Typical Mom Cave In

I have always prided myself on being very strong willed. And technically I am. When I want something there is absolutely NO stopping me. In fact as much as it drives me nuts, my children's constant badgering when they want something, is an obvious genetic trait. I really can't fault them.

I held out three months. I thought for sure I'd make it longer. Apparently everyone else knew and was surprised I had made it that long. Saturday afternoon I welcomed a two year old Redbone Coonhound into our lives. There was only a few people who knew she was coming. We met her floppy eared, droopy faced, paranoid of adults self on Wednesday. To make a long story short, her current owner couldn't keep her due to subdivision laws, the owner before that couldn't keep her because they were moving to a condo that didn't allow animals, and since I'm a total sap for all of that, I went home and did some research on that breed. Not a single thing that I read Wednesday night turned me away. EVERYTHING was positive about this type of dog. Including the ultimate: excellent with children.

I called the vet Thursday morning and asked their opinion. Again, nothing but praise for the breed. By Thursday afternoon I had called the lady and made arrangements to pick her up Saturday afternoon. She wasn't here five minutes and moved right in. Her and the cat got along, she hasn't barked once, she went for a six mile run with me and never even broke a sweat, and most importantly, I completely surprised my kids Sunday when they came home from their dads. It was instant love.

I hope over time her nerves will calm and she'll trust us to know that she's here for the long haul. This is her last home and hopefully the best. Welcome home Daisy!!

Multiple Children

Believe it or not, there was a time when I NEVER wanted kids. They made me nervous and irritated. I worked in a toy store when I was sixteen. Need I say more? It wasn't until I was 27 that I changed my mind. Four years later, I had my first. Then they kept coming.

I never do anything small. I always push the envelope and go big. Why not? You are supposed to get the most out of life, and I fully intend to do that.

This weekend was my weekend with the kids. When they left for school Friday I was SO mad at all of them. I told myself I was never going to do anything fun or nice for them again. I'm a sucker, pure and simple. And, I love my kids. I chalk it off to my usual morning tyrants. By the afternoon, I've calmed down, and think, "wow, I really overreacted this morning." So what to do to fix it? I decided I'd make pizza and we'd have a picnic on the floor. When they got home, they thought I was the coolest mom ever. Problem solved.

By Saturday, everyone hated me again, and couldn't wait to get away from me. Three of them decided to go to friends and spend the night. I was left with my two little ones. Being as it was the night before their birthday, I was kind of feeling nostalgic. It was nice just the three of us. Kind of like the night before they were born. Minus the panicked ex-husband, hysterical mother, and ten different nurses monitoring me every half hour.

When I taught my moms exercise classes, all the moms used to say, "I don't know how you do it! I can't even handle one!" My response was always the same, "One is VERY hard! You are the sole entertainment source. With multiple kids they entertain one another." I have to be honest, going from five down to two was like heaven! They listened, I didn't have to yell, and I once again believed there was a God!

Of course you realize it all came to a screeching halt the minute they all came home, the ex and his mother came for the birthday celebration, and the chaos of present opening and cake induced sugar highs prevailed. I no longer need to wonder why I'm crazy. I just know.

Memory

I have the worst memory ever. In fact it has never been good. I would study for tests for hours, days, and still do horrible. By the next day I couldn't even begin to tell you what I just wasted all that time on. My girlfriends used to say, "remember when we went to that party and we saw..." Nope, not a clue. My next question is always, "did I have a good time?". Ugh! I'm just hopeless.

My uncle had a photographic memory! Obviously that gene got lost somewhere. Because I honestly don't think I'd remember my name if I didn't hear it occasionally. Most days it's "MOM!!!!!!!!". That I just downright ignore.

Regardless, twice I came up with an idea for something to write today. And twice I forgot it. The second time I told myself to write it down. I forgot to do that too. I'm a mess. I've read that people with my disease, CRS (can't remember sh#t), should do puzzles, read, learn a new language, stuff that stimulates your brain. Exercise it if you will. I guess those books didn't know that I have five kids, a house to run, clothes to wash and fold, bills to pay, driveway to clear, and food to cook. The only brain stimulating I do, is when I sit down on Thursday nights and watch Jersey Shore. No wonder I can't remember anything! That mindless TV kills several brain cells.

And for the record, I've been sitting here for ten minutes trying to come up with something else to write. It's not coming to me. I had a thought but it's gone. As my grandpa used to say, "give me a minute. It'll come back around." Nope, not this time. But I will say this to prove my point. I just went back to look at some of my other posts. I've written about my lack of memory twice! This is now the third time. Clearly I can't remember sh*t! Where's my coffee??? Oh, it's going to be a long day.

Animals

Most people that know me know that I used to be an animal lover. Notice the words used to be. I was always the first to bring home strays, find homes for lost dogs, volunteer for the Humane Society, adopt the sad faced take me home dog, house sit for pets, and so on. However, those days have long since passed. Now they are like grandchildren to me, I'm glad they are someone else's responsibility.

Many years ago I volunteered at a cat show. To say those people are crazy is an understatement. It was not at all what I expected it to be. As I was sitting there minding my own business, because you are not allowed to touch or talk to anyone, especially the cats, a woman approached me and asked if she could give me a free book. I love to read and will always accept a free book. Well, we all know NOTHING is free. For the next hour I had to hear ALL about the inhumane treatment of animals all over the world. I of course representing the Humane Society, and being young and naive, had no idea what she was talking about. By the time I read the book and put two and two together, I realized she was representing PETA.

Don't get me wrong. I would love for those that abuse animals to have done to them what they have inflicted on poor innocent creatures. I have no tolerance for abuse. However, as most of you also know, I am NOT a morning person. I have decided I have no problem learning to operate a 22 with night vision scope to take out the neighbors dog who barks CONTINUALLY day and night; particularly at 6am. I'm sorry, but I have owned animals my whole life. I don't care who you are, allowing your animal to disrupt an entire neighborhood at ridiculous hours is unacceptable. The sad part is that I really don't think the owners would mind if I did. I know my neighbors would be thrilled.

This poor dog, an ankle bitter no less, is let out and left out at ridiculous times. She would bark at the air if she thought it was moving. The owners don't want her inside because she barks in there too. Call me crazy, but here's an idea- obedience school or a bark collar. Both are available! You wanted the animal, it's a part of your family, take the time to care for it. Seems simple to me. I'm just done with this poor neglected dog. In my youth, I would have just walked over and offered to take the thing. Now I'm about to walk over and take it out.

I've had my coffee, my anger has subsided, and being the nice person that I am, will just call animal control at 6am tomorrow. Someone needs to stick up for the neighborhood, and the dog. I'm just tired of listening to both bark!

My Daughter, The Slob

Capricorns are supposed to be efficient, responsible, goal-oriented, steadfast, and ORGANIZED. My ten year old daughter is a Capricorn, she is none of these. I keep hoping they will come in time. But in her case, it is not looking good.

I love this kid more than anything and will even go as far as to say she's my favorite (so I tell them ALL that, big deal). But she has got to be the biggest slob I know. She always has been. When she first started eating, and because she was my first, all the books said to let her use her hands, explore the food, touch, taste, sample, understand it. Are you kidding me?? I did not make this mistake with the other four. To this day, you can find Grace ANYWHERE! There is ALWAYS a pile of food where she made a sandwich, ate the sandwich, left the sandwich, wandered with the sandwich, and so on. This theory applies not only to food with her, but everything she owns or touches. If she gets a glass of milk, there is milk all down the front of the cupboard, the cap on another counter, milk jug on the table, and the glass who knows where. She unknowingly creates a scavenger hunt for me to find things before they rot. And believe me, that has happened.

It's not just the food issue that sets me off, but it's homework, clothes, shoes, hats, mittens, coats, toys, game pieces, literally everything she puts her hands on. It would be different if she had her own whacked out filing system for these things, but she doesn't. She has no clue where anything is or will blame one of the others for touching it. It's a vicious cycle with her.

I am always the first to say what goes around comes around. My mother right now is having a field day with this saying. "Julie, you used to be so bad I had to shut your door. I just couldn't stand the mess." I, being a Capricorn myself, find this very difficult to believe! Preposterous really. Granted, I used to hate to make my bed, but everything else in my room was right where it was supposed to be. I didn't leave stuff out, I didn't leave food to rot, I didn't leave a survival trail of crumbs, I didn't lose my homework or clothes or toys, I put my stuff away. I question my mothers recollection of many things. To her I'm sure an unmade bed made for a disastrous room. But to say I was a slob just doesn't make ANY sense.

To this day, I live by the words, "Everything has a place, everything in it's place". I have to with five kids. When people come in my house they wonder if I really have kids. It's clean, things are put away, beds are made, etc. I have absolutely no qualms about throwing ANYTHING out. My neighbor once looked at my pile of trash and asked, "do you have anything left in your house?" Not much. Clutter makes me crazy. My daughter makes me crazy. I can only hold out hope that one day she will out grow this and become a true Goat like the rest of us.

Library Day

My kids love to go to the library. I dread every minute of it. For several reasons. First and foremost, the old women who work at our local library are by far the meanest, rudest, most unhelpful women alive. And second, they LOVE to tell me how lacking my parenting skills are. Why I continue to agree to go to that library is beyond a doubt an absolute mystery to me. Glutton for punishment I suppose.

This morning at 6:15am my phone beeps. Email. My first thought is, "honestly, what is so frickin important that I need to be emailed at this time?" With one eye open I peer at the culprit who has violated my sleep. It's the library warning me to return a book on tape that was due in December. And when I say warning, I mean warning. It states they will continue to fine me if I don't promptly return the item. Not only am I furious that I'm awake, but I am beyond hysterical with rage at this library notice. I returned that book, along with several others, EARLY because I was going out of town. In fact, I am acutely aware of this particular book, because my boys loved it SO much they were very upset I had to return it.

Oh the dilemma. It's 6:15am and there is nothing I can do to rectify this situation. I am just stewing thinking of all the evil words that are going to come out of my mouth when I get there. By 8:30am I am so worked up that I have to go for a run. By the time I shower, take my girls to lunch, and get there, I am ready to tell those old bags to get a search warrant if they don't believe I returned the book. I mean honestly, how else would you prove you returned something? It's your word against their computers.

As calmly as I can, and noticing immediately two younger women working the front desk, I walk up and explain my email, the date I returned several items, and the names of those items. After the gal explains to me that sometimes things don't get logged back in, she walks over to the shelf and low and behold finds the item I returned. "I'm glad that was easy. We'll just clear your record", she says. Clear my record??? Like I'm some kind of criminal! Now I'm even more mad! First I'm rudely awakened with threatening email, then waste my time driving to the library, and then insulted. Knowing full well my children will trick me into going there again, I say thank you and leave. I hate the library. Yet one more reason for me to shop online!

Chore Chart

I've come to the conclusion that completely losing it with my kids is a total waste of time. It's like the old Peanuts TV show, "wa wa, wa wa wa wa". They tune everything right out! But give them a reward and they're all ears.

I'm not that naive to just hand out rewards. There has to be something in it for me. Let's face it, it is all about me. What kids??? Who are these little people that keep calling me mom??

The chore chart cometh. I'm tired of doing things that they should clearly be responsible for. I don't look at it as slave labor, though Social Services may think otherwise. I look at it as life skills learned at an early age. There is absolutely no reason a five year old can't change sheets or put clean clothes away. The central vac is easy enough to operate that cereal crumbs should be a thing of the past. And who doesn't think those Swiffer dusters aren't a blast to use? I'm not asking them to clean the toilets, though the thought has crossed my mind for the boys!! URGH! But there comes a point where a mom just gets tired of asking over and over and over again for the simplest of tasks to be completed.

I was smart this time. I made this a family effort with a family reward system. No individual gets rewarded for completing their chores. EVERYONE has to complete EVERYTHING for the day or no star. If there are enough stars at the end of the month, we'll do something fun as a family. This month they chose skiing. We'll see how they fair. If I have to remind any one of them more than three times to complete their chore for the day, there is no star for anyone. It gives me such an absolute sense of empowerment to say, "this is the second time I've asked. If I have to ask again there won't be a star for anyone today." And you can only guess how irritated the others who have done their chores are at the sound of that warning! Ahhh to be queen. It's a rough job being the ruler of the family. But with the right strategy, it's possible to achieve greatness. Without yelling I might add!

Again, you just don't mess with mama bear! I don't mind protecting my young, but I also see nothing wrong with eating one of them either.