The Holidays

Here we go again. The holidays. I can't quite figure out why they make me soooo incredibly grouchy. Oh wait, yes I can. Because I run around like a mad woman cooking, cleaning, shopping, wrapping, organizing, and everything else in between. Which equates to a run down, less time for running (to work off excess food and alcohol), sleep deprived, bad mood, sick mom. And for WHAT I ask you?

Why can't I be a kid again? Why can't I get sooooo excited to see all the decorations, hear Christmas music, relax, and actually enjoy the moment? My kids are out of control with excitement right now. They couldn't contain themselves if I duct taped them to a pole. So much so, that I have literally in two days become the biggest, worst, meanest mommy dearest in all the land. I have Mother of the Year locked tight this year! I mean it's so bad that I actually feel bad and am beyond embarrassed. I was yelling at them so harshly last night that my throat hurts today and I'm pretty sure I heard one of them say that they thought I should be committed. UGH!

I don't know where it all went wrong. All the pressure to buy the perfect gifts, make the perfect food, look perfect, put a smile on my face, be nice to people I clearly don't want to, and so on. I heard someone on a TV show say, "fake it til ya can make it." I've got to make it my motto right now or there may be a few less children for Santa to deliver presents to, and a crazy wacko mommy banging her head in a warm padded room soon!

I've got to snap out of this and learn to enjoy the holidays for what they are. Time with my family that I don't ordinarily get. It's truly that simple. I am blessed with children who make me insanely crazy, yet teach me something new about myself every day. I am blessed with healthy parents who would drop everything to be by my side no matter what I do or say. I am blessed with friends who aren't afraid to tell me like it is, then turn around and make me pee from laughter. I am blessed with a partner who gave me hope in happily ever after again. He makes me smile and laugh and loves me for me. I am blessed with a roof over my head, food on the table, and some change in my pocket. And as much as I loath my ex for every rotten undermining comment, on top of his continal lack of respect toward me, I am thankful that I was able to get five great kids from him and that he continues to provide for them.


To me it's always the little things that matter most. I hope I can teach my kids that they don't always have to have the biggest and best of everything, and that hard work and determination ALWAYS pay off. It's so frustrating to me at the holidays when they think they are owed ALL the toys on their wish list. That somehow Santa has plenty of money and room for ALL that they want. We all want to give our kids the moon. But the reality is, they are lucky to get what they do. Oooooo here comes mean mommy again. Sneaks back in when I least expect it. But maybe that's the connection. Maybe I get so upset because I'd like to give them all that they want, and can't. However, the flip side is that they don't really need it all. And even if they had it all, it doesn't mean it would make them any happier or any more fulfilled. Makes sense to me! Now let me go explain that the a pre-teen, a have-to-have-everything son, an I'll-take-whatever-you-give-me son, and two six year olds who are happy playing with a one armed no hair Barbie. Life is good. And always unpredictable. Hand me my chocolate and a martini and all will be right with the world again....in February!