I'm not sure who Parent Teacher Conferences evoke more anxiety to, kids or parents. I'm also going to throw my mother in there as well. She was a total basket case by the time I got home and again this morning on the phone. I think it's honestly a toss up. My kids absolutely wanted to go and absolutely wanted to tell me EVERYTHING before I went. I felt like I should be shining a light in their face and screaming, "TELL ME EVERYTHING, OR THE DOG GETS IT!" Only of course to be met with, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
If there is one thing I don't like, it's surprises. I don't like them for my birthday, Christmas, parent teacher conferences, nothing. Nothing ever good comes from them. My friend surprised me by flying in from Arizona to surprise my other friend for her graduation party. I was hungover for two days. See what I'm saying? Initially they have potential. But in the end, disaster strikes.
I am always pleasantly reminded of what a great son I have. He's so kind and thoughtful. Always participates, etc. My initial reaction is ALWAYS, "are you sure you're talking about my son? It's B-R-E-N-D-A-N not Brandon or his other friend Brendon." To which I immediately rush home and say to said child, "why can you be kind at school and yet treat me like garbage and hate me so at home?" I've renamed my son Sybil every year following conferences. One day, I'm going to have it permanently changed.
My twin girls? A whole different ball game. I was NOT prepared for the information I received. My prior post is truly going to come in handy for them at the rate they are going. It's so frustrating to find out your child is struggling. Last year one of the girls was having a hard time and the other was excelling. This year they have flip flopped roles. My very confident, boisterous, I don't give a sh#t what anyone thinks daughter is now the self doubting I can't do it queen. And on things she clearly knows! I don't understand it. When I came home and asked her I was met with HUGE tears and a "I don't want to be wrong." Wow! I had no idea that at such a young age children can act like an adult and be their own worst critic. Honestly, how do you explain to a six year old that it's OK to make mistakes and that sometimes we have to put ourselves out there, and sometimes fail, in order to learn? No matter how many ways you say it, to them it sounds like "she just told me to do it wrong and it won't matter." The translation is lost no matter how it comes out.
Now the guilt has set in. I'm a single mom trying to help five kids with homework that even I struggle to understand. I can't spend the kind of time and patience I'd like with each one of my kids. Granted that's two fold. The upside is that it teaches them independence and confidence. The downside is that if they are struggling, my time and knowledge is limited for helping them. Makes me question how anyone can home school, AND home school more than one child! My kids each struggle in different areas. They don't get all A's, but they also don't get bad grades either. They are smart, funny and I hope happy. And at the end of the day, that's all that really matters to me. Rather than beat myself up over what I can't do, it's time I set a good example and show them all what I can. I may not be perfect, and I may make mistakes, but at least I'm trying.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
No Shame
Times are tough. We've all felt the pinch. Higher gas prices, higher food prices, higher taxes, lay offs, blah, blah, blah. It's all depressing and seemingly never ending. However, there always seems to be one industry that withstands EVERY economic downturn, pitfall, debacle, you name it. Porn! The adult industry is ALWAYS booming. And let's face it, there's a little bit of porn envy in all of us. You absolutely cannot say you don't watch it. BECAUSE IT'S EVERYWHERE! And they make A LOT of money!!!!
Yes you heard me, it's everywhere. Soap opera's are soft porn. TV drama after 9pm is soft porn with a real plot. MTV reality shows? Porn, Porn, Porn...with no plot what so ever! You cannot turn on the TV and not watch it. In fact, I bet if you really let your imagination wander, there may actually be an underlying porn reference in most Disney movies. All I'm saying, right or wrong, is that it's out there.
Now, how many times have you heard of a stripper becoming Mayor? or a porn star becoming a lawyer? or some crazy thing like that. Seems like more often than we care to admit. So here's where I'm going with this. Brace yourselves. My twin daughters love to pole dance. They're six. For some reason the support poles in my basement have turned into some of the best pole dancing shows I've seen. I can say that because I actually watched a pole dancing competition on a TV in an upscale restaurant once. My girls made some of these women look like armatures.
My girls have it going on! I foresee bright futures for them...12 years from now! I tell them, "girls, there is no shame in how you make your money. Do what makes you happy!" It's not the pole dancing that concerns me. It's the fact that they hand make invitations for people to come watch them! When they start charging admission I'll know for sure they are both prodigy children sent from the heavens above. Savvy business woman who know how to make a buck so VERY early in life. And there was NO pun intended there people. They're six for crying out loud. Besides, I don't have any money to give them anyway!
I look at it two ways, if it pans out for them, we'll all be rich. Me because they will forever thank me for telling them to follow their dream and them because they're really talented. Or, I will have an absolute gut wrenching, tears streaming down my face laugh when I remind them at their weddings, and again in front of their own children, what great pole dancers they were when they were young! Priceless either way.
Yes you heard me, it's everywhere. Soap opera's are soft porn. TV drama after 9pm is soft porn with a real plot. MTV reality shows? Porn, Porn, Porn...with no plot what so ever! You cannot turn on the TV and not watch it. In fact, I bet if you really let your imagination wander, there may actually be an underlying porn reference in most Disney movies. All I'm saying, right or wrong, is that it's out there.
Now, how many times have you heard of a stripper becoming Mayor? or a porn star becoming a lawyer? or some crazy thing like that. Seems like more often than we care to admit. So here's where I'm going with this. Brace yourselves. My twin daughters love to pole dance. They're six. For some reason the support poles in my basement have turned into some of the best pole dancing shows I've seen. I can say that because I actually watched a pole dancing competition on a TV in an upscale restaurant once. My girls made some of these women look like armatures.
My girls have it going on! I foresee bright futures for them...12 years from now! I tell them, "girls, there is no shame in how you make your money. Do what makes you happy!" It's not the pole dancing that concerns me. It's the fact that they hand make invitations for people to come watch them! When they start charging admission I'll know for sure they are both prodigy children sent from the heavens above. Savvy business woman who know how to make a buck so VERY early in life. And there was NO pun intended there people. They're six for crying out loud. Besides, I don't have any money to give them anyway!
I look at it two ways, if it pans out for them, we'll all be rich. Me because they will forever thank me for telling them to follow their dream and them because they're really talented. Or, I will have an absolute gut wrenching, tears streaming down my face laugh when I remind them at their weddings, and again in front of their own children, what great pole dancers they were when they were young! Priceless either way.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Music
I love music. I can listen to anything. Literally. Some days I like a little Tchaikovsky and others a little Eminem. I'm open to anything. I'd like to think that I have an ear for it as well. For example, I can hear a song one time, and know if it will be a hit or not. My kids are the same way. For the moment however, they all have different taste. That's ok. The only time it's not ok is when they all have their radios blasting something different. Makes me a tad crazy then.
I try to be the good mom and edit out songs that aren't appropriate. But, there was a time, when they had no idea what a swear word was, that I let them listen to anything. Now of course they have a very tainted vocabulary. The question becomes, how much do you shelter them? They already hear the words daily on the bus, slip from my mouth, correctly use them in a sentence, etc. Is music an art where expression of foul language is ok? I can't really answer that. Not when I'm prone to swearing like a trucker when I'm mad. Swearing is an art, right???
I was watching Ellen this week and she had on two of the most adorable girls that did a rendition of Nicki Minaj's Super Bass song. It was by far the most hysterical thing I've seen. So sweet and so talented. They sang the edited version of the song. Yet there were some viewers who felt that it was inappropriate for these two young girls to be singing it. My first thought was, "thank goodness they don't ride in my car!" Kid Rock is a staple at our house! But it got me thinking, what is on my kids iPods??? EVERYTHING!!! They have been listening to everything from Disney tunes to Katy Perry for years! And you know what? My kids don't swear because of the songs they hear. They swear because they know they aren't supposed to!
As adults we tell them that it's not ok. Yet in the next breath we call someone an a$$hole because they cut us off in traffic. I'm not condoning swearing. I'm just saying that we can't put the blame on an entire art form when we are guilty of saying stuff daily, or even occasionally, ourselves. My kids know that they've heard a "bad word", yet they just don't go spouting them off. Yes they come out every now and then. But again, punishing them for something we do just doesn't make sense. My job as a parent is to remind them that it's not appropriate and if I EVER hear them say foul words outside our home, they better run for the hills.
No they don't need Cee Lo Green's F#ck You, but I can let them listen to his Forget You. I don't think an occasional sh$t or a$$ is going to wreck my kids. Watching them dance around, singing at the top of their lungs, without a care in the world, is worth every bad word they hear or say. The words don't define them, the fact that they could give two sh*ts about looking and sounding like wounded animals is priceless. Music allows us to escape. I hope that my kids ALWAYS find comfort and fun in it. No matter what the lyrics say.
I try to be the good mom and edit out songs that aren't appropriate. But, there was a time, when they had no idea what a swear word was, that I let them listen to anything. Now of course they have a very tainted vocabulary. The question becomes, how much do you shelter them? They already hear the words daily on the bus, slip from my mouth, correctly use them in a sentence, etc. Is music an art where expression of foul language is ok? I can't really answer that. Not when I'm prone to swearing like a trucker when I'm mad. Swearing is an art, right???
I was watching Ellen this week and she had on two of the most adorable girls that did a rendition of Nicki Minaj's Super Bass song. It was by far the most hysterical thing I've seen. So sweet and so talented. They sang the edited version of the song. Yet there were some viewers who felt that it was inappropriate for these two young girls to be singing it. My first thought was, "thank goodness they don't ride in my car!" Kid Rock is a staple at our house! But it got me thinking, what is on my kids iPods??? EVERYTHING!!! They have been listening to everything from Disney tunes to Katy Perry for years! And you know what? My kids don't swear because of the songs they hear. They swear because they know they aren't supposed to!
As adults we tell them that it's not ok. Yet in the next breath we call someone an a$$hole because they cut us off in traffic. I'm not condoning swearing. I'm just saying that we can't put the blame on an entire art form when we are guilty of saying stuff daily, or even occasionally, ourselves. My kids know that they've heard a "bad word", yet they just don't go spouting them off. Yes they come out every now and then. But again, punishing them for something we do just doesn't make sense. My job as a parent is to remind them that it's not appropriate and if I EVER hear them say foul words outside our home, they better run for the hills.
No they don't need Cee Lo Green's F#ck You, but I can let them listen to his Forget You. I don't think an occasional sh$t or a$$ is going to wreck my kids. Watching them dance around, singing at the top of their lungs, without a care in the world, is worth every bad word they hear or say. The words don't define them, the fact that they could give two sh*ts about looking and sounding like wounded animals is priceless. Music allows us to escape. I hope that my kids ALWAYS find comfort and fun in it. No matter what the lyrics say.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Starving
Why are we always "starving"? I mean honestly, we aren't REALLY starving. And trust me, if you're reading this, you aren't. Oh, unless you have an eating disorder. My apologies! But take my kids for example. First thing in the door, "MOMMMMMMMM!!!!!! I'm starving!!!!!!" My dad always says to them, "ya ate yesterday didn't ya?" Blank stares are the response to that. It's like they feel they reserve the right to eat me out of house and home. I may actually go bankrupt trying to feed these animals!
I bring all this up because I'm hungry and can't find anything to eat in the house. Mind you there is a ton of food. I just don't feel like cooking it and I really can't figure out what I have a taste for. Rather than just eating a bunch of junk, I'm going to sit here and ponder a bunch of crazy irrational thoughts.
There are starving people in the world. And it's truly heart breaking knowing that a lot of them are children. Knowing daily that some poor child is starving to death really makes me sick. We take sooooo much for granted when we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I try to explain this to my kids whenever they complain that they don't like something I cooked. Which promptly falls on deaf ears and entices more complaining.
Last weekend I was at a Canadian Costco. It was their Thanksgiving weekend. There was an enormous table FULL of HUGE pumpkin pies. People were buying these things like it was their last meal. And at $5.99 a pie, who wouldn't? I wouldn't, because I don't like pumpkin pie. But the point is, there was an entire warehouse FULL of food and I did my best, as usual, to buy ALL of it. At least it seems that way EVERY TIME I go in there.
You can actually have lunch at Costco just from all the sampling. Why not put a Costco in Ethiopia and let those folks "sample" the food??? Genius right? Or how about all the fields and orchards where food can't be sold because it's considered damaged when it falls on the ground? All the food I throw out because I don't cook it before it goes out of code. The list of wastefulness goes on and on and on. Maddening actually. Down right disturbing really.
I love food. There isn't much I don't like. However, I don't understand people with eating disorders, I don't understand why there are starving people in the world, and I definitely don't understand obesity. And why is it that almost every disorder in the world involves food??? People eat when they are depressed, don't eat when they are depressed, eat when they party, eat A LOT when they partied too much, eat until they feel sick, don't eat at all, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat... It's almost as if food defines us as human beings. Some days it defines me as a giant chocolate bar, other days it defines me as a short order cook. I am constantly at a grocery store and constantly planning the next meal.
Some day when I go on strike, my kids may actually learn what it's like to starve. But for now, I've got to get off the computer and find something appealing for them to inhale so we can quickly race out the door to yet another after school activity involving rigorous exercise. And we all know that activity starts the eating cycle ALL over and ensues the infamous, "MOMMMMMMMMM!!!!! I'm starving!!!!!!"....vicious, vicious cycle.
I bring all this up because I'm hungry and can't find anything to eat in the house. Mind you there is a ton of food. I just don't feel like cooking it and I really can't figure out what I have a taste for. Rather than just eating a bunch of junk, I'm going to sit here and ponder a bunch of crazy irrational thoughts.
There are starving people in the world. And it's truly heart breaking knowing that a lot of them are children. Knowing daily that some poor child is starving to death really makes me sick. We take sooooo much for granted when we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I try to explain this to my kids whenever they complain that they don't like something I cooked. Which promptly falls on deaf ears and entices more complaining.
Last weekend I was at a Canadian Costco. It was their Thanksgiving weekend. There was an enormous table FULL of HUGE pumpkin pies. People were buying these things like it was their last meal. And at $5.99 a pie, who wouldn't? I wouldn't, because I don't like pumpkin pie. But the point is, there was an entire warehouse FULL of food and I did my best, as usual, to buy ALL of it. At least it seems that way EVERY TIME I go in there.
You can actually have lunch at Costco just from all the sampling. Why not put a Costco in Ethiopia and let those folks "sample" the food??? Genius right? Or how about all the fields and orchards where food can't be sold because it's considered damaged when it falls on the ground? All the food I throw out because I don't cook it before it goes out of code. The list of wastefulness goes on and on and on. Maddening actually. Down right disturbing really.
I love food. There isn't much I don't like. However, I don't understand people with eating disorders, I don't understand why there are starving people in the world, and I definitely don't understand obesity. And why is it that almost every disorder in the world involves food??? People eat when they are depressed, don't eat when they are depressed, eat when they party, eat A LOT when they partied too much, eat until they feel sick, don't eat at all, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat... It's almost as if food defines us as human beings. Some days it defines me as a giant chocolate bar, other days it defines me as a short order cook. I am constantly at a grocery store and constantly planning the next meal.
Some day when I go on strike, my kids may actually learn what it's like to starve. But for now, I've got to get off the computer and find something appealing for them to inhale so we can quickly race out the door to yet another after school activity involving rigorous exercise. And we all know that activity starts the eating cycle ALL over and ensues the infamous, "MOMMMMMMMMM!!!!! I'm starving!!!!!!"....vicious, vicious cycle.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Bad Mommy! Bad!
I have this internal debate with myself EVERY TIME one of my kids get sick. Especially since I come from a long line of, "you're fine" family members. I mean, I really hate to trek my kids to the doctor with every little cough or sniffle. But at what point does that little hack turn into a full blown something or other? The bigger question is, what dirty kid gave it to mine in the first place???
As I layed in bed last night listening to my sweet little child practically cough up a lung, I think, "hmmmmm, I'm soooo tired! Why now??". Followed by, "if I don't get up and get her something, she's going to barf. Then I'll have to clean that up." Never once did I think, "hope she's ok". I'm kidding! Ok, maybe I'm not. But I have to ask, why does this always happen at 11pm, 2am, 4am etc.? I just don't understand the logic. During the day she may cough a wee bit, but then she runs around like a maniac too! It's only the middle of the night where they fall apart and think they are beating down deaths door.
Needless to say, I get up and ask her if she'd like something to help her sleep and stop the coughing. I am met with a sweet little distraught face that says, "uh huh". Downstairs I go to my cupboard full of tricks, that mind you, do absolutely NOTHING except make your child run around as if on some maddening crack high. Followed by the inevitable crash and burn. Regardless, I bring it up, pour it, and am stared at with the, "there is NO WAY in hell I'm taking that" face. Sometimes I wish giving children medicine was like giving it to an animal. Pry open mouth and shove it down throat. No such luck. Believe me I've tried! After much pleading I get her to take a sip. Which is promptly followed by it being spit all over the bathroom, followed by it dripping down her clothes, followed by tears, followed by an "I'm gonna barf", followed by me yelling, "take the damn medicine because WE ALL NEED TO SLEEP!!! Including you!!!!"
Tears, drama, more yelling, a few gags, and a little more went down. Not much mind you. In fact I'm pretty sure I cleaned up more off the floor and the counter than actually went in her mouth. UGH! So back to bed she went. At this point I feel slightly bad. The poor kid feels like crap and all I want to do is make her feel better and get some sleep. Which eventually she did. Well, at least I think she did. I fell asleep.
This is how I know my kids are truly sick. If in the morning they can't move. Not even a cattle prod can get them out of bed. And yes, I have one. Nothing wrong with a little shock therapy. Yes she was still coughing and snotting all over, but she was up, ate breakfast, made her bed, got dressed, and brushed her teeth without me having to ask. No sick child there! Being Mother of the Year, I drugged her with an allergy pill and sent her on her way. And in the infinite words of wisdom that I hold I say as she walked out the door, "you'll be fine today!"
As I layed in bed last night listening to my sweet little child practically cough up a lung, I think, "hmmmmm, I'm soooo tired! Why now??". Followed by, "if I don't get up and get her something, she's going to barf. Then I'll have to clean that up." Never once did I think, "hope she's ok". I'm kidding! Ok, maybe I'm not. But I have to ask, why does this always happen at 11pm, 2am, 4am etc.? I just don't understand the logic. During the day she may cough a wee bit, but then she runs around like a maniac too! It's only the middle of the night where they fall apart and think they are beating down deaths door.
Needless to say, I get up and ask her if she'd like something to help her sleep and stop the coughing. I am met with a sweet little distraught face that says, "uh huh". Downstairs I go to my cupboard full of tricks, that mind you, do absolutely NOTHING except make your child run around as if on some maddening crack high. Followed by the inevitable crash and burn. Regardless, I bring it up, pour it, and am stared at with the, "there is NO WAY in hell I'm taking that" face. Sometimes I wish giving children medicine was like giving it to an animal. Pry open mouth and shove it down throat. No such luck. Believe me I've tried! After much pleading I get her to take a sip. Which is promptly followed by it being spit all over the bathroom, followed by it dripping down her clothes, followed by tears, followed by an "I'm gonna barf", followed by me yelling, "take the damn medicine because WE ALL NEED TO SLEEP!!! Including you!!!!"
Tears, drama, more yelling, a few gags, and a little more went down. Not much mind you. In fact I'm pretty sure I cleaned up more off the floor and the counter than actually went in her mouth. UGH! So back to bed she went. At this point I feel slightly bad. The poor kid feels like crap and all I want to do is make her feel better and get some sleep. Which eventually she did. Well, at least I think she did. I fell asleep.
This is how I know my kids are truly sick. If in the morning they can't move. Not even a cattle prod can get them out of bed. And yes, I have one. Nothing wrong with a little shock therapy. Yes she was still coughing and snotting all over, but she was up, ate breakfast, made her bed, got dressed, and brushed her teeth without me having to ask. No sick child there! Being Mother of the Year, I drugged her with an allergy pill and sent her on her way. And in the infinite words of wisdom that I hold I say as she walked out the door, "you'll be fine today!"
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Drama Queen
Oh and the saga continues...the daughter who NEVER follows through. Honest to God, if this child becomes any more like her father, I may tell her to move in with him. Between the two of them and their wo always me, I'm not good enough, I can't follow through with anything crap, I may actually pull my hair out!
Last week a note came home about a Lego Club. It said they had some open spots and that by a lottery process, they were going to open it up, and let some extra students sign up. Of course my daughter begged and pleaded for me to sign the sheet because "her friend" was going to sign up too. Yes, we all know how this is going to shake out, right?! I explain to my daughter several things. First, there was no guarantee that her and her friend would both be picked or that they would be on the same team. Second, there was no guarantee that she would be picked. And third, she doesn't even like Lego's! "But mom, it's supposed to be soooo fun! I REALLY want to do this!!!" I go on to explain that since she doesn't even know what the club is about, that by signing up, she's actually taking away a spot for a child that may truly WANT to be in this club.
None of what I said mattered. I reluctantly signed the sheet in the hopes that she wouldn't get picked. A phone call yesterday informed me that she was indeed chosen. Just my luck. Another child to cart around, ANOTHER day of the week.
When I break the exciting news to said child, I am met with silence. Followed by a complete and total emotional break down, followed by stomping, door slamming, more tears and pleading that she quit before the club even has it's first meeting. Now I ask you, Are you fricking kidding me??????? Either my child has gone clinically insane on me or I am the worst mother in the world.
I am furious! Absolutely furious. Part of me wants to make her do it to show her she can't make a commitment and not follow through. And the other part of me wants to let her quit so I don't have to hear about it from now until December! Here's how my quandary was settled... "dad told me I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to..." Oh did he now??? SHOCKER!!!! This coming from the father who doesn't follow through with anything???? Rich I tell ya, just rich.
Said psycho child is now required to attend the Lego Club, enjoy it, and is absolutely NOT allowed to EVER ask to join another thing until the day I die. If you join a team, you stick with it. End of discussion. I may be hated for the rest of my life for this decision, but God willing, she will also know that quitting is NOT an option around me. Nor should it be for her in her life time either.
Last week a note came home about a Lego Club. It said they had some open spots and that by a lottery process, they were going to open it up, and let some extra students sign up. Of course my daughter begged and pleaded for me to sign the sheet because "her friend" was going to sign up too. Yes, we all know how this is going to shake out, right?! I explain to my daughter several things. First, there was no guarantee that her and her friend would both be picked or that they would be on the same team. Second, there was no guarantee that she would be picked. And third, she doesn't even like Lego's! "But mom, it's supposed to be soooo fun! I REALLY want to do this!!!" I go on to explain that since she doesn't even know what the club is about, that by signing up, she's actually taking away a spot for a child that may truly WANT to be in this club.
None of what I said mattered. I reluctantly signed the sheet in the hopes that she wouldn't get picked. A phone call yesterday informed me that she was indeed chosen. Just my luck. Another child to cart around, ANOTHER day of the week.
When I break the exciting news to said child, I am met with silence. Followed by a complete and total emotional break down, followed by stomping, door slamming, more tears and pleading that she quit before the club even has it's first meeting. Now I ask you, Are you fricking kidding me??????? Either my child has gone clinically insane on me or I am the worst mother in the world.
I am furious! Absolutely furious. Part of me wants to make her do it to show her she can't make a commitment and not follow through. And the other part of me wants to let her quit so I don't have to hear about it from now until December! Here's how my quandary was settled... "dad told me I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to..." Oh did he now??? SHOCKER!!!! This coming from the father who doesn't follow through with anything???? Rich I tell ya, just rich.
Said psycho child is now required to attend the Lego Club, enjoy it, and is absolutely NOT allowed to EVER ask to join another thing until the day I die. If you join a team, you stick with it. End of discussion. I may be hated for the rest of my life for this decision, but God willing, she will also know that quitting is NOT an option around me. Nor should it be for her in her life time either.
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