Starving

Why are we always "starving"? I mean honestly, we aren't REALLY starving. And trust me, if you're reading this, you aren't. Oh, unless you have an eating disorder. My apologies! But take my kids for example. First thing in the door, "MOMMMMMMMM!!!!!! I'm starving!!!!!!" My dad always says to them, "ya ate yesterday didn't ya?" Blank stares are the response to that. It's like they feel they reserve the right to eat me out of house and home. I may actually go bankrupt trying to feed these animals!

I bring all this up because I'm hungry and can't find anything to eat in the house. Mind you there is a ton of food. I just don't feel like cooking it and I really can't figure out what I have a taste for. Rather than just eating a bunch of junk, I'm going to sit here and ponder a bunch of crazy irrational thoughts.

There are starving people in the world. And it's truly heart breaking knowing that a lot of them are children. Knowing daily that some poor child is starving to death really makes me sick. We take sooooo much for granted when we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I try to explain this to my kids whenever they complain that they don't like something I cooked. Which promptly falls on deaf ears and entices more complaining.

Last weekend I was at a Canadian Costco. It was their Thanksgiving weekend. There was an enormous table FULL of HUGE pumpkin pies. People were buying these things like it was their last meal. And at $5.99 a pie, who wouldn't? I wouldn't, because I don't like pumpkin pie. But the point is, there was an entire warehouse FULL of food and I did my best, as usual, to buy ALL of it. At least it seems that way EVERY TIME I go in there.

You can actually have lunch at Costco just from all the sampling. Why not put a Costco in Ethiopia and let those folks "sample" the food??? Genius right? Or how about all the fields and orchards where food can't be sold because it's considered damaged when it falls on the ground? All the food I throw out because I don't cook it before it goes out of code. The list of wastefulness goes on and on and on. Maddening actually. Down right disturbing really.

I love food. There isn't much I don't like. However, I don't understand people with eating disorders, I don't understand why there are starving people in the world, and I definitely don't understand obesity. And why is it that almost every disorder in the world involves food??? People eat when they are depressed, don't eat when they are depressed, eat when they party, eat A LOT when they partied too much, eat until they feel sick, don't eat at all, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat... It's almost as if food defines us as human beings. Some days it defines me as a giant chocolate bar, other days it defines me as a short order cook. I am constantly at a grocery store and constantly planning the next meal.

Some day when I go on strike, my kids may actually learn what it's like to starve. But for now, I've got to get off the computer and find something appealing for them to inhale so we can quickly race out the door to yet another after school activity involving rigorous exercise. And we all know that activity starts the eating cycle ALL over and ensues the infamous, "MOMMMMMMMMM!!!!! I'm starving!!!!!!"....vicious, vicious cycle.

Bad Mommy! Bad!

I have this internal debate with myself EVERY TIME one of my kids get sick. Especially since I come from a long line of, "you're fine" family members. I mean, I really hate to trek my kids to the doctor with every little cough or sniffle. But at what point does that little hack turn into a full blown something or other? The bigger question is, what dirty kid gave it to mine in the first place???

As I layed in bed last night listening to my sweet little child practically cough up a lung, I think, "hmmmmm, I'm soooo tired! Why now??". Followed by, "if I don't get up and get her something, she's going to barf. Then I'll have to clean that up." Never once did I think, "hope she's ok". I'm kidding! Ok, maybe I'm not. But I have to ask, why does this always happen at 11pm, 2am, 4am etc.? I just don't understand the logic. During the day she may cough a wee bit, but then she runs around like a maniac too! It's only the middle of the night where they fall apart and think they are beating down deaths door.

Needless to say, I get up and ask her if she'd like something to help her sleep and stop the coughing. I am met with a sweet little distraught face that says, "uh huh". Downstairs I go to my cupboard full of tricks, that mind you, do absolutely NOTHING except make your child run around as if on some maddening crack high. Followed by the inevitable crash and burn. Regardless, I bring it up, pour it, and am stared at with the, "there is NO WAY in hell I'm taking that" face. Sometimes I wish giving children medicine was like giving it to an animal. Pry open mouth and shove it down throat. No such luck. Believe me I've tried! After much pleading I get her to take a sip. Which is promptly followed by it being spit all over the bathroom, followed by it dripping down her clothes, followed by tears, followed by an "I'm gonna barf", followed by me yelling, "take the damn medicine because WE ALL NEED TO SLEEP!!! Including you!!!!"

Tears, drama, more yelling, a few gags, and a little more went down. Not much mind you. In fact I'm pretty sure I cleaned up more off the floor and the counter than actually went in her mouth. UGH! So back to bed she went. At this point I feel slightly bad. The poor kid feels like crap and all I want to do is make her feel better and get some sleep. Which eventually she did. Well, at least I think she did. I fell asleep.

This is how I know my kids are truly sick. If in the morning they can't move. Not even a cattle prod can get them out of bed. And yes, I have one. Nothing wrong with a little shock therapy. Yes she was still coughing and snotting all over, but she was up, ate breakfast, made her bed, got dressed, and brushed her teeth without me having to ask. No sick child there! Being Mother of the Year, I drugged her with an allergy pill and sent her on her way. And in the infinite words of wisdom that I hold I say as she walked out the door, "you'll be fine today!"

Drama Queen

Oh and the saga continues...the daughter who NEVER follows through. Honest to God, if this child becomes any more like her father, I may tell her to move in with him. Between the two of them and their wo always me, I'm not good enough, I can't follow through with anything crap, I may actually pull my hair out!

Last week a note came home about a Lego Club. It said they had some open spots and that by a lottery process, they were going to open it up, and let some extra students sign up. Of course my daughter begged and pleaded for me to sign the sheet because "her friend" was going to sign up too. Yes, we all know how this is going to shake out, right?! I explain to my daughter several things. First, there was no guarantee that her and her friend would both be picked or that they would be on the same team. Second, there was no guarantee that she would be picked. And third, she doesn't even like Lego's! "But mom, it's supposed to be soooo fun! I REALLY want to do this!!!" I go on to explain that since she doesn't even know what the club is about, that by signing up, she's actually taking away a spot for a child that may truly WANT to be in this club.

None of what I said mattered. I reluctantly signed the sheet in the hopes that she wouldn't get picked. A phone call yesterday informed me that she was indeed chosen. Just my luck. Another child to cart around, ANOTHER day of the week.

When I break the exciting news to said child, I am met with silence. Followed by a complete and total emotional break down, followed by stomping, door slamming, more tears and pleading that she quit before the club even has it's first meeting. Now I ask you, Are you fricking kidding me??????? Either my child has gone clinically insane on me or I am the worst mother in the world.

I am furious! Absolutely furious. Part of me wants to make her do it to show her she can't make a commitment and not follow through. And the other part of me wants to let her quit so I don't have to hear about it from now until December! Here's how my quandary was settled... "dad told me I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to..." Oh did he now??? SHOCKER!!!! This coming from the father who doesn't follow through with anything???? Rich I tell ya, just rich.

Said psycho child is now required to attend the Lego Club, enjoy it, and is absolutely NOT allowed to EVER ask to join another thing until the day I die. If you join a team, you stick with it. End of discussion. I may be hated for the rest of my life for this decision, but God willing, she will also know that quitting is NOT an option around me. Nor should it be for her in her life time either.

The Things We Endure

We have ALL been there. Mom's and Dad's alike. It's that time in the mall, the grocery store, the restaurant, the bus stop, literally ANYWHERE other people are around, and your child COMPLETELY falls apart. Now I have to admit, I have very mixed feelings about this. When I am out without my kids and I witness this, my initial reaction is, "ugh! I left home to get away from that!" Then the mom in me kicks in and thinks, "poor mom/dad! glad it's not me this time!"

It's such a fine line. At what point do you feel bad? At what point do you offer to help? I distinctly remember being at the grocery store a few years ago and a mother, a few check out isles over, had a little one just screaming. I'm talking out of control screaming. When I looked over, this poor woman was not only mortified, but absolutely exhausted and at her breaking point. Not one single person offered to help. Just stares of disgust and rude comments a plenty. In fact, my check out girl said, "glad they're leaving! Can you believe that?" I was so mad when I left the store and disgusted at myself for not offering to help, that I vowed I wouldn't let an opportunity like that pass again.

Of course I have, this morning actually. But again, what do you do? My poor neighbors kindergartner REFUSED to get on the bus. It was an all out war between mom and little guy. All of my neighbors, including myself, sat and stared rather than offer to help. Once again, that fine line comes in to play. Did she want our help? Was there anything we REALLY could have done? If I knew she didn't have to go directly to work, I would have offered her a shot!

These situations put our patience levels to a supreme test. Sometimes we win, sometimes everyone loses. My sitter used to tell me when I would fall apart, "you have to go in and check on your kids when they are sleeping. It not only gives you the strength to get through another day, but it reminds you that you love you them."

I guess I don't have an answer. Maybe I need to look at it from another view. What would I want someone to do? You're already feeling defeated because you feel like you can't control your own child. Do you really want some stranger stepping in? I don't know? So many times we tell people to mind their own business, or we're too proud to ask for help. In reality, help is really what we need. One random act of kindness right? Or one VERY LARGE margarita! Or sometimes a simple hug can cure it all. Is there a right or wrong here? I honestly don't know.

The Bus

Fair warning, I'm about to unleash my fury about the bus. Let me start out by saying, my children are no angels. I'm fully aware. However, there are some REALLY rotten kids out there. Some that live right up the street from me and unfortunately ride the bus with my children. URGH!!!!

About two years ago my son and his friend had an unfortunate incident on the bus where him and another boy were coaxed by older kids, and some rotten younger ones, into kissing. Long story short, both my son and his friend were given a bus ticket (a warning in writing) and punished by having to sit away from their friends and alone on a seat. Well, being the mama bear that I am, I refused to sign the bus ticket, argued with the principal and the bus garage, and yanked all five of my kids from the bus for the rest of the year. Keep in mind that NONE of the other children involved in this incident were cited or even punished. That alone, put me over the edge!

It's two years later and I'm still stewing. Never once did my son or myself get an apology from the culprits in the neighborhood. Because my son's friends mother is a teacher at the school, she got all types of apologies. I don't like to swear on this blog, but I think that calls for a big fat Bullsh#t!

Here's where I'm going with this. It's now the third week of school and those little animals are at it again. The bus is a nightmare. There is zero supervision. My two first graders are begging me to get a ride to school, my oldest, a fifth grader, has no desire to get on there at all, and BOTH my third grade boys have complained about the same little girl trying to get my son to kiss another boy AGAIN!!! Are you kidding me?! Who teaches their kids that it's OK to bully and bribe and pick on other kids???? It's nauseating.

There will be a thorough grilling this afternoon, followed by a phone call tomorrow to the bus garage, followed by me carting my kids back and forth the rest of the school year. It's a total pain for me. But the alternative is foul language, situations young children should absolutely NOT be privy to, total chaos, lack of respect for the driver, a driver blaming ALL the wrong children, multiple drivers for the same route, and overall total mayhem. I pay my taxes! I don't want to pay for rotten teachers that hate going to work everyday or for bus drivers who can't pull it together. I have had it already! To pour salt in a very deep wound, I have eleven more years of this garbage!!!

Wouldn't it be great to say, "hey, until you fix all the crap my tax money goes to, I'm not paying you another dime!" Hell, people get fired from their jobs for less! Yet it's OK to continue to pay people for a job they aren't doing???? Reminds me of the weatherman. It's the only job in the world you can continually be wrong and still have a job. Education should not fall into this category. Transportation should not fall into this category. And most of all my children should not have to be the ones that suffer from someone else's lack of responsibility.

Something needs to be done about the buses so that our kids can get to and from school without incidents. Assigned seats, adult bus monitors, cameras, I don't care what it is. If that's what my tax money is going for, than I'm all for it. Beats me fighting with neighbors, the school and the bus garage! Not to mention saving me time and gas money. Jeez life was simpler when all I had to complain about was my babies refusing to nap!!! Bigger kids, bigger problems. Never ends!

Boys....

Do I really need to say anything more??? In fact I'm shaking my head as I type. I've decided that you just NEVER know what's going to come out of them. Literally!!! I try to believe I live in that Disney fantasy world where they are charming, sweet, love their mother, and protect their sisters. Let me just put it this way, Walt Disney was CLEARLY a cruel, cruel man when he created all those grandiose images of what life could be like. I mean honestly, he killed off Bambi's mother! That should say something right there!

I have long been a believer that I need to shelter my children from things. Yes I realize now that I can't. Case in point. About a year ago my boys discovered the word "fart". Do you see where I'm going with this? I never used the word around them, and never made any big deal about it when any of them did "toot". However, now that they know that farting is indeed ALWAYS funny, along with the word itself, it has snowballed down to my girls. Who can apparently make any trucker look like a saint. There is no shame among my children. None what so ever.

As I lay in bed the other night listening to my boys talk before they fell asleep, my hawk like ears perked up when I heard my older son say to his brother, "who farts the loudest in your class?" Choking back my laughter I thought, "do kids really know this kind of information?". Well, according to my other son, ABSOLUTELY. My younger son had no problem throwing some poor gas infested child in his class under the bus. But the worst part about it was that my oldest then said, "I fart the loudest in my class." Just gross! Yet strangely, I felt proud.

The conversation then moved from not just farting, but on to pooping as well. Once again my sons proved that clearly I cannot shelter them from "big people" words. The sentence I heard was, "someone opened the door while he was taking a dump". Now I ask you, what the hell happened to my babies????? A dump? Really??? We do NOT talk like that at my house! Well, at least I didn't think so! Obviously I need to go back to third grade and get a lesson in language!!! I used to think my mom and dad didn't know anything either. Apparently, I now fall into that category too. It's actually depressing.

Although, I was able to redeem some sense of credibility when my younger son came home from school the other day and said, "MOM, guess what? I went into the boys bathroom and there was pee ALL around the toilet!!! I mean a puddle! It was ALL around the bottom!" I looked my shocked son in his sweet little blue innocent eyes and replied, "have you looked in your own bathroom lately? or sat on the wet toilet seat associated with YOUR bathroom?". After a long pause he said, "but there was a puddle ALL around the toilet at school." And ever so politely I said, "yes tiny, there IS a puddle ALL around YOUR toilet here." Speechless and confused, he walked away. Quietly I thought, one step forward, two steps back...and then went up to clean the puddle.

Woo Hoo!!

I had the most amazing run this morning. My love/hate relationship with running goes like this: I hate cold nasty weather, I dread going out into it, I love running, and out the door I go. Complaining the ENTIRE time. My friend Sean asked me once, "do you ever stop bitching during a run?" Nope. During races I'm worse! Needless to say, I haven't run with Sean in a while.

Today's run actually put a smile on my face the entire time. I absolutely dreaded going today because it was pouring down rain. Even the dog looked at me like I was crazy. But running in the rain isn't a big deal until you stop. That cold, wet, yucky feeling makes me say I hate running even more. However, this time I had new tunes on my ipod and a "let's get this done" attitude going.

Within the first mile, both the dog and I were drenched and covered in mud. To say she was less than amused was an understatement. I gave into the dread when we crossed the highway and like a kid, started looking for EVERY mud puddle, and puddle, I could find. I laughed and jumped into as many as I could. Because my dog is afraid of her own shadow, every time I jumped she thought for sure I was going to beat her. By the about the fifth one we were both a total wreck. Me grinning from ear to ear and her not so daintily running through every puddle too. Normally, the 65 pound lap dog, avoids water like it's acid.

So it got me thinking. Ah to be a kid again. To get dirty and not have a care in the world. I worked my children like slaves this weekend. They all dusted and vacuumed their rooms, changed their sheets, and cleaned the basement. I only asked once. Clearly these were aliens who replaced MY children who have to be asked at least 20 times to complete the simplest of tasks. But they did it without one word of complaint too. And as I sat there at night looking back on the day, I thought "what a total waste". What's a clean house worth anyway? Peace of mind? Yes, absolutely. But at what expense? Did they learn a valuable lesson in responsibility? Yes, absolutely. But what did they gain from losing time just being a kid? There has to be a fine line in there somewhere. And I guess looking back today, maybe there was. I wasn't yelling, the radio was blasting out some really fun tunes, the jobs got done in record time, and they still got to play MOST of the day with their friends. Of course it didn't hurt that I took them out for dinner because they were so great either!

I think in the end it comes down to this, take the time to have fun and get dirty, because everything washes out at the end of the day anyway. Opportunity is everything. Take every moment and run with it like you were just discovering the fun of a giant puddle for the first time.