Boys....

Do I really need to say anything more??? In fact I'm shaking my head as I type. I've decided that you just NEVER know what's going to come out of them. Literally!!! I try to believe I live in that Disney fantasy world where they are charming, sweet, love their mother, and protect their sisters. Let me just put it this way, Walt Disney was CLEARLY a cruel, cruel man when he created all those grandiose images of what life could be like. I mean honestly, he killed off Bambi's mother! That should say something right there!

I have long been a believer that I need to shelter my children from things. Yes I realize now that I can't. Case in point. About a year ago my boys discovered the word "fart". Do you see where I'm going with this? I never used the word around them, and never made any big deal about it when any of them did "toot". However, now that they know that farting is indeed ALWAYS funny, along with the word itself, it has snowballed down to my girls. Who can apparently make any trucker look like a saint. There is no shame among my children. None what so ever.

As I lay in bed the other night listening to my boys talk before they fell asleep, my hawk like ears perked up when I heard my older son say to his brother, "who farts the loudest in your class?" Choking back my laughter I thought, "do kids really know this kind of information?". Well, according to my other son, ABSOLUTELY. My younger son had no problem throwing some poor gas infested child in his class under the bus. But the worst part about it was that my oldest then said, "I fart the loudest in my class." Just gross! Yet strangely, I felt proud.

The conversation then moved from not just farting, but on to pooping as well. Once again my sons proved that clearly I cannot shelter them from "big people" words. The sentence I heard was, "someone opened the door while he was taking a dump". Now I ask you, what the hell happened to my babies????? A dump? Really??? We do NOT talk like that at my house! Well, at least I didn't think so! Obviously I need to go back to third grade and get a lesson in language!!! I used to think my mom and dad didn't know anything either. Apparently, I now fall into that category too. It's actually depressing.

Although, I was able to redeem some sense of credibility when my younger son came home from school the other day and said, "MOM, guess what? I went into the boys bathroom and there was pee ALL around the toilet!!! I mean a puddle! It was ALL around the bottom!" I looked my shocked son in his sweet little blue innocent eyes and replied, "have you looked in your own bathroom lately? or sat on the wet toilet seat associated with YOUR bathroom?". After a long pause he said, "but there was a puddle ALL around the toilet at school." And ever so politely I said, "yes tiny, there IS a puddle ALL around YOUR toilet here." Speechless and confused, he walked away. Quietly I thought, one step forward, two steps back...and then went up to clean the puddle.