I happen to catch the Doctor Oz show yesterday while I was getting supper ready for the kids. I have to say it's been on my mind since then. Honestly, I like this guy. He seems to know what he's talking about and he's compassionate about solving even the most intimate medical issues.
Yesterday he was discussing women over 40 and their unwanted, embarrassing belly fat. I've got to admit, I'm one of these women. It doesn't matter how much we exercise, the belly remains. There were woman who named their belly, woman who religiously exercised, vigorously dieted, went under the knife, women who had had children, woman who hadn't, and so on. The result was the same. Shame, disgust and frustration.
I remember one mom saying to me that she was proud of her stretch marks. It proved that she was woman enough to handle pregnancy. At the time I thought good for her, but definitely NOT for me. I hated my belly, and still do. My OB/GYN calls it twin skin. I gave him the finger at that comment. God love the man, but really?! UGH!
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a little gal. I run a lot, I eat fairly healthy, and have a small addiction to sweets (ok LARGE, but who's counting?!). It doesn't matter what I do, the skin is still there, and unless I'm laying down, I keep that part of my body covered. I did venture to "try" a bikini for the first time in 20 years, last year. My man thought I looked great! I was self conscious and forever wrapping up any time I left my beach chair. Here's the kicker! I'm more embarrassed about my sagging belly than my tiny boobs! You'd think at my age neither would matter. And trust me, I could care less what other people think. It's the pressure and the judgement we place on ourselves that is the harshest and most damaging. We are our own worst enemies at any given time.
Dr. Oz offered some suggestions that I absolutely plan on trying. But I'm not thoroughly convinced it's going to make my belly "look" any different. Every time I'm bloated at least one of my children ask if I'm having another baby. Since I can't give them the finger, I just give them a dirty look. I'm not against trying something new, I'm not against it at all. In fact, I read a quote today that I considered a sign that I should without a doubt try the Dr. Oz method. "Progress is impossible with out change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."- George Bernard Shaw
Wisdom is knowledge. In this case, I'm hoping knowledge brings on a positive change. If not, we can all thank God for the woman who invented Spanx!!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Always The Bad Guy
Honestly, the title says it all. I am the mom, I am always the bad guy. Being a single mom does NOT help the situation. Not one bit. However, there has to come a time when I have to put my foot down. Whether I'm right or not has absolutely nothing to do with the circumstance at hand. It comes down to principal, and in my children's case, prior commitments. Or lack there of.
I no sooner walked in the house last night and my oldest daughter started in on me. She DESPERATELY wanted to join the orchestra at her school. My initial reaction to her request was no. Followed by a more forceful no. Followed by a screaming and crying match. Followed by a "fine, I'll pay for it myself". Followed by an absolutely NOT. And finally, a no, because you won't stick with it.
I played an instrument, a few actually, so it's not that I have a problem with her actually playing one. My problem is this. SHE NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH ON ANYTHING. I know we aren't supposed to say "always, never, anything, or everything" during an argument. And I try VERY VERY hard not to. However, her track record precedes her and with the rest of my kids already in VERY expensive sports, the idea of one more place to cart one more child to, or one more expense that won't pan out, puts me a tad over the edge.
I happen to catch a part of the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hoda this morning. They were interviewing Solei Moon Frye. Apparently she wrote a book called Happy Chaos. Solei went on and on about how much she loved being a mom and truly learned to embrace all the chaos of being one. Blah, blah, blah. I love being a mom too. But let's be honest. It's not all its cracked up to be some days. AND, the chaos isn't too bad when you ONLY have two toddlers. I'm not sure she realizes what's in store for her a few years down the road. God bless her if she still feels this way in 10 years.
I can embrace chaos too. However, at some point you have to keep a lid on it AND be the bad guy. I can be my kids friend all day long and play and make a mess just as well as any two year old. However, at the end of the day, I'm the mom, I'm the boss, and what I say goes. I've had to admit I was sorry or wrong a few times in the past 11 years. But all in all, I'd like to think that my kids respect the fact that it is only me and that they may not get EVERYTHING they want, they get more than what they NEED. Compared to most third world countries? it's a hell of a lot.
I no sooner walked in the house last night and my oldest daughter started in on me. She DESPERATELY wanted to join the orchestra at her school. My initial reaction to her request was no. Followed by a more forceful no. Followed by a screaming and crying match. Followed by a "fine, I'll pay for it myself". Followed by an absolutely NOT. And finally, a no, because you won't stick with it.
I played an instrument, a few actually, so it's not that I have a problem with her actually playing one. My problem is this. SHE NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH ON ANYTHING. I know we aren't supposed to say "always, never, anything, or everything" during an argument. And I try VERY VERY hard not to. However, her track record precedes her and with the rest of my kids already in VERY expensive sports, the idea of one more place to cart one more child to, or one more expense that won't pan out, puts me a tad over the edge.
I happen to catch a part of the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hoda this morning. They were interviewing Solei Moon Frye. Apparently she wrote a book called Happy Chaos. Solei went on and on about how much she loved being a mom and truly learned to embrace all the chaos of being one. Blah, blah, blah. I love being a mom too. But let's be honest. It's not all its cracked up to be some days. AND, the chaos isn't too bad when you ONLY have two toddlers. I'm not sure she realizes what's in store for her a few years down the road. God bless her if she still feels this way in 10 years.
I can embrace chaos too. However, at some point you have to keep a lid on it AND be the bad guy. I can be my kids friend all day long and play and make a mess just as well as any two year old. However, at the end of the day, I'm the mom, I'm the boss, and what I say goes. I've had to admit I was sorry or wrong a few times in the past 11 years. But all in all, I'd like to think that my kids respect the fact that it is only me and that they may not get EVERYTHING they want, they get more than what they NEED. Compared to most third world countries? it's a hell of a lot.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Ho Hum.....
Oh whatever shall I do now that my wonderful, happy, healthy children are back at school????? Enjoy the silence that's what I'm doing!!! No more, "I'm bored!", "He spit on me!", "I hate her!", "You're a meanie!", "What's for lunch?", "I'm starving!!!!" (this ALWAYS followed a full meal mind you). And the list goes on.
Some days I like to believe one of my five children will grow up and realize I'm not such a bad mom and take care of ME. Other days I believe I don't pay the therapist enough. Nor will I ever stop paying her!
Yes summer is officially over. Waa! But hurray for school and the sense of routine it brings to all of us. It's comforting and consistent. And though my children will NEVER admit to it, they have looked forward to it for the past month. Too much togetherness creates nothing but chaos. Chaos breads disaster. Disaster unfolds into Mommy drinking LOTS to numb the whole existence of their being!
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and do EVERYTHING for them. However, there is a reason we grow up and MOVE FAR AWAY from our parents. So many different personalities can only be expected to be civil for so long. Eventually someone is going to lose it. And in our house it creates a trickle down effect. Even the dog has enjoyed the silence these last two days!
Though the days of summer seem a distant blur now, the end of baseball, a dance recital, a three week trip to the cottage, swimming lessons, a week of movies with Dad, a trip down the west side of the state, countless yelling matches, endless laughter, and one broken ankle later, we all survived and lived to tell our stories.
So now what? Well, horseback riding continues, hockey starts, and so does dance. Dinner, homework, sports, and lots of driving. All in all I can't complain. No one listens when I do anyway. But I will say, life is good, some days are better than others. At the end of the day I can colapse and say "thank god that's over and I'm not in jail!" Phew! It's the little things in life.
Some days I like to believe one of my five children will grow up and realize I'm not such a bad mom and take care of ME. Other days I believe I don't pay the therapist enough. Nor will I ever stop paying her!
Yes summer is officially over. Waa! But hurray for school and the sense of routine it brings to all of us. It's comforting and consistent. And though my children will NEVER admit to it, they have looked forward to it for the past month. Too much togetherness creates nothing but chaos. Chaos breads disaster. Disaster unfolds into Mommy drinking LOTS to numb the whole existence of their being!
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and do EVERYTHING for them. However, there is a reason we grow up and MOVE FAR AWAY from our parents. So many different personalities can only be expected to be civil for so long. Eventually someone is going to lose it. And in our house it creates a trickle down effect. Even the dog has enjoyed the silence these last two days!
Though the days of summer seem a distant blur now, the end of baseball, a dance recital, a three week trip to the cottage, swimming lessons, a week of movies with Dad, a trip down the west side of the state, countless yelling matches, endless laughter, and one broken ankle later, we all survived and lived to tell our stories.
So now what? Well, horseback riding continues, hockey starts, and so does dance. Dinner, homework, sports, and lots of driving. All in all I can't complain. No one listens when I do anyway. But I will say, life is good, some days are better than others. At the end of the day I can colapse and say "thank god that's over and I'm not in jail!" Phew! It's the little things in life.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Life Happens
I know, I know, you missed me didn't you? Life has a way of, well getting in the way sometimes. The entire month of March all six of us were horribly sick. Getting on the computer was not what I felt like doing. I did, but nothing that required me to think. So here I am, back and armed with new intimate details of my motherly life.
I have to make this quick, because not only do I need to get back to my writing, but I need to get back to my running. All things about me have fallen by the wayside these past couple months. Not a good idea when you are a mom. I have said time and time again, it is SO important to remember to take time for yourself so that you can regroup and be a better mom. Ok so my boyfriend took me to the Dominican for a week in April. What?! that was a LONG time ago. Four whole weeks! Boo Hoo! I want to go back! I have no shame hawking tshirts to tourists on the beach!
As reality has it, here I am in Michigan, jobless and carting my kids everywhere. AGAIN! As you know my kids started a chore chart back in January. We did great up until we all got sick in March. Being the great mother that I am, I told them since we were all so sick I'd give them a free pass for March and they could decide a reward. They chose a hotel and swimming. Great idea? Not so much. I won't say where we went this past weekend. I will say that my kids had a blast and all I wanted to do was leave and scrub each of them with a bottle of bleach! It wasn't that the location was dirty. It was the other clientelle in the water that concerned me. I have always prided myself on being an openminded individual. But even I have to draw the line at some point! I saw children get in the water that should clearly NOT be in. I broke up one fight, told one child to knock it off, and told countless others to stop running on the pool deck. Mind you, NONE of these children were mine! Where were these kids parents you ask?? I have no clue! All I knew was that I rounded my kids up at one point and marched them back to the room so that Mommy could regroup with a hefty vodka.
I have never been so happy to come home in my whole life. There is something about your own home and your own things that make you feel at peace. Scrub yourselves children, keep scrubbing til Mommy sees skin falling off!!! Ugh! Never again. I was perfectly happy being the mean mom that NEVER did anything nice or fun for my kids.
I have to make this quick, because not only do I need to get back to my writing, but I need to get back to my running. All things about me have fallen by the wayside these past couple months. Not a good idea when you are a mom. I have said time and time again, it is SO important to remember to take time for yourself so that you can regroup and be a better mom. Ok so my boyfriend took me to the Dominican for a week in April. What?! that was a LONG time ago. Four whole weeks! Boo Hoo! I want to go back! I have no shame hawking tshirts to tourists on the beach!
As reality has it, here I am in Michigan, jobless and carting my kids everywhere. AGAIN! As you know my kids started a chore chart back in January. We did great up until we all got sick in March. Being the great mother that I am, I told them since we were all so sick I'd give them a free pass for March and they could decide a reward. They chose a hotel and swimming. Great idea? Not so much. I won't say where we went this past weekend. I will say that my kids had a blast and all I wanted to do was leave and scrub each of them with a bottle of bleach! It wasn't that the location was dirty. It was the other clientelle in the water that concerned me. I have always prided myself on being an openminded individual. But even I have to draw the line at some point! I saw children get in the water that should clearly NOT be in. I broke up one fight, told one child to knock it off, and told countless others to stop running on the pool deck. Mind you, NONE of these children were mine! Where were these kids parents you ask?? I have no clue! All I knew was that I rounded my kids up at one point and marched them back to the room so that Mommy could regroup with a hefty vodka.
I have never been so happy to come home in my whole life. There is something about your own home and your own things that make you feel at peace. Scrub yourselves children, keep scrubbing til Mommy sees skin falling off!!! Ugh! Never again. I was perfectly happy being the mean mom that NEVER did anything nice or fun for my kids.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Expert Cleaner
I used to pride myself on my cleaning expertise. I come from a long line of "psycho" cleaners. As you know, I have no emotional attachment to anything, and freely throw away anything and anyone that doesn't meet my standards.
With five kids I run my house like a military boot camp. Beds are neatly made, clothes are put away, toys are not allowed to stay out, floors are swept and washed, bathrooms are clean, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, as I sat here this morning admiring my "everything has a place, everything in it's place" home, I about choked on my oatmeal.
Glorious sun, oh glorious sun, where have you been?? Hiding! and go back there please until I clean what I have apparently been missing for the last two weeks!!! Are you kidding me?! I know I wiped the walls and doors. I know I cleaned that mirror. I know I cleaned the TV screen. I know I dusted!!!! Imagine my horror when I started to look around and see EVERYTHING that I missed. Shocked and appalled is how I feel right now.
I try to be the Eco-friendly cleaner too. But I'm sorry, bleach is my best friend. Just because you need a gas mask when you walk in my door, doesn't mean you're going to drop over dead. I mean lets be honest. If sterilizing my house means I'm also sterilizing it's inhabitants, I won't be too upset. Frankly, there are some of my kids that just should not reproduce. Yes, mother of the year, I know. But, chaos breeds germs, germs breed sick children, sick children cost time and money at the doctor.
So off I go to with my Hazmat suit for more cleaning. Mind you, I realize it only stays clean while the kids are at school. It ALL completely falls apart the minute they come in the house. Vicious cycle and a total waste of time. But in my crazy psycho cleaning world, it's worth the five minutes it looks good.
With five kids I run my house like a military boot camp. Beds are neatly made, clothes are put away, toys are not allowed to stay out, floors are swept and washed, bathrooms are clean, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, as I sat here this morning admiring my "everything has a place, everything in it's place" home, I about choked on my oatmeal.
Glorious sun, oh glorious sun, where have you been?? Hiding! and go back there please until I clean what I have apparently been missing for the last two weeks!!! Are you kidding me?! I know I wiped the walls and doors. I know I cleaned that mirror. I know I cleaned the TV screen. I know I dusted!!!! Imagine my horror when I started to look around and see EVERYTHING that I missed. Shocked and appalled is how I feel right now.
I try to be the Eco-friendly cleaner too. But I'm sorry, bleach is my best friend. Just because you need a gas mask when you walk in my door, doesn't mean you're going to drop over dead. I mean lets be honest. If sterilizing my house means I'm also sterilizing it's inhabitants, I won't be too upset. Frankly, there are some of my kids that just should not reproduce. Yes, mother of the year, I know. But, chaos breeds germs, germs breed sick children, sick children cost time and money at the doctor.
So off I go to with my Hazmat suit for more cleaning. Mind you, I realize it only stays clean while the kids are at school. It ALL completely falls apart the minute they come in the house. Vicious cycle and a total waste of time. But in my crazy psycho cleaning world, it's worth the five minutes it looks good.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Wonders NEVER Cease
Do you ever have one of those days where you think, "really?! did that idiot just say that to me??" I don't care who you are or what you call it, when someone says something utterly preposterous or asks a completely ridiculous question, you should have every right to rudely respond or slap that person.
Yes I'm on my soap box again. And I can honestly say, people never cease to amaze me with their completely unwarranted comments. Take my girlfriend for example. She just had a baby a week ago. Poor thing. I tried to warn her of all the grief she was about to encounter when traveling in public. But having to deal with her mother in law, should be grounds for more than just a slap or two. Her mother in law, after learning the baby's name, had the gall to say, "what other names did you have picked out?" who says that??? Even being an outsider, I interpreted that to mean, "let's pick something else."
My ex husband was and still is famous for treating me like I'm a completely worthless idiot. Like I should bumble around all day with a helmet on in case I can't function in day to day activities. Just when I think I've heard every dumb, ridiculous question or comment come out of his mouth, he never fails me by asking or saying another. Part of me still gets irritated, other parts of me want to beat him senseless, and the rational side of me reminds me of why I unloaded him in the first place. Then I have a good yelling at him (from afar), and laugh at how remarkably dumb he really is. And how, after all these years, he STILL has absolutely no idea who I am or how intelligent I am.
The grocery store is another place for wandering idiots. I have five kids. They eat A LOT. I'm a size 00. Clearly I cannot eat all the food that is overflowing out of my cart. I firmly believe that if one more person rudely admires my load, they may actually have to take me out of the store in handcuffs or a straight jacket. "Wow, I'm glad I'm not paying your check!"; "Boy, you have A LOT in there!"; "Thank you so much for shopping here!"; "Hope you have a truck to get all that home!"; "You're going to need another cart."; "There's no way that will all fit back in there."; "How many ARE you feeding??"; "Are you going to eat all that? ha ha ha". The old people with their pint of milk, a loaf of bread, and some lunch meat are the worst. They just give me disgusted looks.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it this far in life if I was a bumbling idiot. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have possibly raised, fed, clothed, and managed day to day household activities of five kids if I was an idiot. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle all the bill paying, garbage to the curb, yard work, plumbing, drywall, and painting repairs if I was an idiot. And I sure as hell couldn't have run four marathons, three ultra marathons, and countless other races, all while juggling a divorce, a hospitalized ex husband, attention to my five kids, boy friend, family, and friends, if I was an idiot.
The old saying is true, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all." If I had to reword that, "If you have nothing of worth to add to my life, mind your own business."
Yes I'm on my soap box again. And I can honestly say, people never cease to amaze me with their completely unwarranted comments. Take my girlfriend for example. She just had a baby a week ago. Poor thing. I tried to warn her of all the grief she was about to encounter when traveling in public. But having to deal with her mother in law, should be grounds for more than just a slap or two. Her mother in law, after learning the baby's name, had the gall to say, "what other names did you have picked out?" who says that??? Even being an outsider, I interpreted that to mean, "let's pick something else."
My ex husband was and still is famous for treating me like I'm a completely worthless idiot. Like I should bumble around all day with a helmet on in case I can't function in day to day activities. Just when I think I've heard every dumb, ridiculous question or comment come out of his mouth, he never fails me by asking or saying another. Part of me still gets irritated, other parts of me want to beat him senseless, and the rational side of me reminds me of why I unloaded him in the first place. Then I have a good yelling at him (from afar), and laugh at how remarkably dumb he really is. And how, after all these years, he STILL has absolutely no idea who I am or how intelligent I am.
The grocery store is another place for wandering idiots. I have five kids. They eat A LOT. I'm a size 00. Clearly I cannot eat all the food that is overflowing out of my cart. I firmly believe that if one more person rudely admires my load, they may actually have to take me out of the store in handcuffs or a straight jacket. "Wow, I'm glad I'm not paying your check!"; "Boy, you have A LOT in there!"; "Thank you so much for shopping here!"; "Hope you have a truck to get all that home!"; "You're going to need another cart."; "There's no way that will all fit back in there."; "How many ARE you feeding??"; "Are you going to eat all that? ha ha ha". The old people with their pint of milk, a loaf of bread, and some lunch meat are the worst. They just give me disgusted looks.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it this far in life if I was a bumbling idiot. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have possibly raised, fed, clothed, and managed day to day household activities of five kids if I was an idiot. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle all the bill paying, garbage to the curb, yard work, plumbing, drywall, and painting repairs if I was an idiot. And I sure as hell couldn't have run four marathons, three ultra marathons, and countless other races, all while juggling a divorce, a hospitalized ex husband, attention to my five kids, boy friend, family, and friends, if I was an idiot.
The old saying is true, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all." If I had to reword that, "If you have nothing of worth to add to my life, mind your own business."
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Love Affair
I'm going to come clean. I'm having an affair. I'm not really sure what else you would call it at this point. I love chocolate. There is just no denying it anymore.
I can't say for sure how long it's been going on. Maybe my whole life. In fact, I'm pretty sure it has been a life long affair. However, it wasn't until recently that I would classify it as an affair. Here are some of the signs that indicated I MAY have a problem: I hide it in the hopes that I won't want another piece; I sneak it when I think no one is looking; I make special trips to mysterious places to get it; I dream about it; it's on my mind constantly; I make excuses as to why I should have more; I can't stop the temptation and give in regularly; I believe it loves me unconditionally; I believe it is there for me in my times of need; I believe it will never let me down; I put it on almost everything because I can't live without it; I am in love with chocolate.
There I said it. I hear the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Wait! I don't have a problem (yes, that's denial). I just don't care any more. I mean really?! Who doesn't love a chocolate martini, chocolate eclair, chocolate with caramel, chocolate beer, chocolate fondue, chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate chips, hot chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate pudding, brownies, hot fudge, fudge, chocolate coffee, flowers that are chocolate, double chocolate cookies, chocolate cupcakes, do I need to continue?
I am NOT giving up my love affair with chocolate. I'm also NOT sharing. This is one affair I will take to the grave. And if I have my way, I'm going down with a chocolate martini in one hand and dark chocolate Reece's in the other. The Devil will just have to make room for me and my stash.
I can't say for sure how long it's been going on. Maybe my whole life. In fact, I'm pretty sure it has been a life long affair. However, it wasn't until recently that I would classify it as an affair. Here are some of the signs that indicated I MAY have a problem: I hide it in the hopes that I won't want another piece; I sneak it when I think no one is looking; I make special trips to mysterious places to get it; I dream about it; it's on my mind constantly; I make excuses as to why I should have more; I can't stop the temptation and give in regularly; I believe it loves me unconditionally; I believe it is there for me in my times of need; I believe it will never let me down; I put it on almost everything because I can't live without it; I am in love with chocolate.
There I said it. I hear the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Wait! I don't have a problem (yes, that's denial). I just don't care any more. I mean really?! Who doesn't love a chocolate martini, chocolate eclair, chocolate with caramel, chocolate beer, chocolate fondue, chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate chips, hot chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate pudding, brownies, hot fudge, fudge, chocolate coffee, flowers that are chocolate, double chocolate cookies, chocolate cupcakes, do I need to continue?
I am NOT giving up my love affair with chocolate. I'm also NOT sharing. This is one affair I will take to the grave. And if I have my way, I'm going down with a chocolate martini in one hand and dark chocolate Reece's in the other. The Devil will just have to make room for me and my stash.
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