The birthdays are FINALLY over for a while. Thank goodness! Now I can try to put a band aide on my bleeding credit card. It's absolutely amazing to me how the spending never stops. Something else always comes up. Scientist truly need to get the lead out and find a cure for ALL diseases AND develop a real live money tree. Can you imagine? "Mom, I need gas money!" "Oh sure, honey. Just go grab a $20 off the tree." I hope I live long enough to see both!
For their birthday, my girls wanted to get their ears pierced. In my infinite wisdom I think, "this is a great 'cheap' birthday gift". Not so much. I realize of course that I have twins. What I always fail to remember is that twins means two. Which means double the cost, double the price, double the crap. My cheap idea, or their idea, cost me close to $200 to even get out of the store. That did not include lunch afterward. Granted it was a great day and worth every penny. When the bill comes I may have other feelings.
I suppose I didn't need to spend quite so much. But these are my babies, and I felt so guilty for the pain tears that followed the actual piercing, that I had a hard time saying no. I was remembering back to the tears of my oldest when she got hers done. She was about to chicken out when I told her, "Honey, they got everything out and ready. You can't say no now. Let them just do one ear. If you don't like it, we can go home." Seriously?! One ear?! Now you know I wasn't going to let them do just one ear!!!! Oh the motherly guilt! Nothing ten pairs of earrings, a plastic cell phone that holds lip gloss, and a butterfly jewelry holder can't fix.
You can only imagine my guilt when double the tears fell. Buy the whole store girls, mommy is evil for letting that mean girl stab you! UGH! By the time we left the store, the pain was forgotten and the loot was a plenty. Leave it to my mother to remind me that ear piercing was FREE when I got it done. Something tells me that there was no way we left the store with "free" earrings 30 some years ago... Wait, 12 years ago. I'm ONLY 22. I tend to forget that some days.
The problem with all this piercing business is that my eight year old son now wants his done. Absolutely NOT. First of all, I can't afford it. And second of all, I told him it was inappropriate for little boys to have that done. Not to mention the fact that I'm not sure who would die first, me or my son, at the hands of my ex. I told said child not to EVER repeat what I was about to say, but if he just happen to come home one day with one, when he was 18, I would not be upset. This was all contingent on the fact that he owned his own home at the time. Considering he wants to own a bank when he "grows up" may make all of this a possibility and you may actually see me eat my own words. That would be my luck!
No more piercing, no more money, no more, no more, no more. I'm out of all of it. Including my mind. Child labor laws mean nothing in this house. These kids have to get to work! After all, mommy needs a pedicure so that I have good feet to keep running after the little heathens! And yes, it does always come back to me. Happy mommy equals happy children.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Only A Mothers Love
Just when I thought I hit rock bottom with all the things I have put up with with my kids, I am ambushed with yet another of life's "are you kidding me" moments. As moms we put up with SO much. I have been peed on, pooped on, barfed on, spit on, nose wiped on, sneezed on, coughed on, you name it, the bodily fluid that comes out of my children, has at one point or another, landed on me. And as a mom, we just shake our heads and take it all. I will admit, it certainly was a lot cuter when they were babies. Now, it's just plain gross.
It's in our nature to help our babies, no matter what. But at some point in life I have to ask, where do I get to draw the line??? Please tell me I do. Because boys are gross. Plain and simple. My boys are into sports. My nine year old lives and breaths EVERY sport. My eight year old just goes along with his big brother and enjoys whatever he's playing at the time. I'm convinced if I didn't make him play something, he'd sit in his closet building Lego's the rest of his life.
Currently the boys play hockey. I'm thrilled. They play baseball in the spring/summer and that's fine. But as far as I'm concerned, baseball can be so brutally boring that I want to rip my eyes out. At least with hockey, there's constant action. However, as we all know, with hockey comes A LOT OF SWEAT. With a lot of sweat, comes a lot of stink. When my own father, who also played hockey, said, "Jules, you need to wash the boys hockey stuff", you know there's an issue.
I'm hear to tell you two things. First, that commercial for Febreze, is a big fat lie. That product covers up the stench for a short amount of time. Underneath it all, whatever you're spraying, still stinks. Second, washing a jock should NEVER be a woman's job. Nor a mom's for that matter! I literally wanted rubber gloves when I had to take the cups out. Not only did I have to remove them to wash their jock shorts, but I had to touch them AGAIN to put them back in!!! I drew the line right then and there. I have put up with as much as I possibly can with my kids. But no where, in ANY parent handbook, does it say that touching, washing, or even looking at jocks or cups is the responsibility of a mom.
I understand the value of the cup. And I get that the jock holds all their junk in place. BUT, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! I would never expect my son's or my boyfriend to wash or handle my bra's. Let's face it, in reality they are the same thing. However, most bra's are pretty and inviting. Why? Because they hold boobs. Boys like boobs. Jocks and cups? Not so pretty. Stinky and gross actually. And why? Because they're used in sports. I'm absolutely sure I don't need to say any more. In fact, I need to actually go bleach my hands AGAIN. AND, get my spoons to stab my eyes out. UGH!!!!
It's in our nature to help our babies, no matter what. But at some point in life I have to ask, where do I get to draw the line??? Please tell me I do. Because boys are gross. Plain and simple. My boys are into sports. My nine year old lives and breaths EVERY sport. My eight year old just goes along with his big brother and enjoys whatever he's playing at the time. I'm convinced if I didn't make him play something, he'd sit in his closet building Lego's the rest of his life.
Currently the boys play hockey. I'm thrilled. They play baseball in the spring/summer and that's fine. But as far as I'm concerned, baseball can be so brutally boring that I want to rip my eyes out. At least with hockey, there's constant action. However, as we all know, with hockey comes A LOT OF SWEAT. With a lot of sweat, comes a lot of stink. When my own father, who also played hockey, said, "Jules, you need to wash the boys hockey stuff", you know there's an issue.
I'm hear to tell you two things. First, that commercial for Febreze, is a big fat lie. That product covers up the stench for a short amount of time. Underneath it all, whatever you're spraying, still stinks. Second, washing a jock should NEVER be a woman's job. Nor a mom's for that matter! I literally wanted rubber gloves when I had to take the cups out. Not only did I have to remove them to wash their jock shorts, but I had to touch them AGAIN to put them back in!!! I drew the line right then and there. I have put up with as much as I possibly can with my kids. But no where, in ANY parent handbook, does it say that touching, washing, or even looking at jocks or cups is the responsibility of a mom.
I understand the value of the cup. And I get that the jock holds all their junk in place. BUT, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! I would never expect my son's or my boyfriend to wash or handle my bra's. Let's face it, in reality they are the same thing. However, most bra's are pretty and inviting. Why? Because they hold boobs. Boys like boobs. Jocks and cups? Not so pretty. Stinky and gross actually. And why? Because they're used in sports. I'm absolutely sure I don't need to say any more. In fact, I need to actually go bleach my hands AGAIN. AND, get my spoons to stab my eyes out. UGH!!!!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Endless Humor...
I was bored one night and looking for something funny to read on my Kindle when I came across this book called Go The F@#k To Sleep. I kid you not, I just finished screaming at my kids to do just that when I found the book. I honestly thought there was a camera in my house. Coincidence? I think NOT!
I immediately bought the book. I was a tad disappointed that it wasn't longer than it was. But, pleasantly surprised at how insanely accurate it depicted bed time with children. Who was this man that wrote this? Was he hiding in my house watching me? I was starting to get a really creepy feeling. Amidst laughing hysterically!
This book not only makes you feel like you are not alone as a parent of a child who will not go to sleep, but it also makes you feel like laughing at someone else for having the same problem! I will absolutely recommend this book to EVERY parent I know. Because lets face it, we've all been there. Just one more hug, one more potty break, one more story, one more kiss, one more question to answer, one more, one more, one more!!!! AHHHHHHHH It's maddening!
It wasn't until yesterday that I learned how popular this book is. My sitter stopped by to say, "you have to read this! AND listen on YouTube to Samuel L. Jackson narrate it!!!" Needless to say, I thought I was one up on her by already reading the book. However, when I went to YouTube today I realized that I was WAY behind! Tons of celebrities are narrating it. Samuel L. Jackson was on David Letterman reading some of it back in June for crying out loud! All parents should write books! We have endless stories to tell! Kids provide so much humor on a daily basis! Even when we want to choke their little eyes out.
For years I thought that my kids were put on this earth to drive me absolutely insane. Which some days there is NOT enough alcohol to cope with them. But when you actually sit down and take a long hard look, all they really are is curious and honest. As adults we take things that they say or do as irritating or frustrating or just plain rude. In actuality they are just calling it like they see it. Being able to sit back and laugh at either yourself for being ridiculous or being able to actually laugh at what they say or do is worth it's weight in gold to a child. Now if I could just remember this at 9pm when I all I want is for them To Go The F@#k To Sleep!!!!!!!
I immediately bought the book. I was a tad disappointed that it wasn't longer than it was. But, pleasantly surprised at how insanely accurate it depicted bed time with children. Who was this man that wrote this? Was he hiding in my house watching me? I was starting to get a really creepy feeling. Amidst laughing hysterically!
This book not only makes you feel like you are not alone as a parent of a child who will not go to sleep, but it also makes you feel like laughing at someone else for having the same problem! I will absolutely recommend this book to EVERY parent I know. Because lets face it, we've all been there. Just one more hug, one more potty break, one more story, one more kiss, one more question to answer, one more, one more, one more!!!! AHHHHHHHH It's maddening!
It wasn't until yesterday that I learned how popular this book is. My sitter stopped by to say, "you have to read this! AND listen on YouTube to Samuel L. Jackson narrate it!!!" Needless to say, I thought I was one up on her by already reading the book. However, when I went to YouTube today I realized that I was WAY behind! Tons of celebrities are narrating it. Samuel L. Jackson was on David Letterman reading some of it back in June for crying out loud! All parents should write books! We have endless stories to tell! Kids provide so much humor on a daily basis! Even when we want to choke their little eyes out.
For years I thought that my kids were put on this earth to drive me absolutely insane. Which some days there is NOT enough alcohol to cope with them. But when you actually sit down and take a long hard look, all they really are is curious and honest. As adults we take things that they say or do as irritating or frustrating or just plain rude. In actuality they are just calling it like they see it. Being able to sit back and laugh at either yourself for being ridiculous or being able to actually laugh at what they say or do is worth it's weight in gold to a child. Now if I could just remember this at 9pm when I all I want is for them To Go The F@#k To Sleep!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Boobs
I figured the title alone would get your attention. I mean who doesn't love boobs? My kids, all of them, are obsessed with them. It's actually quite strange. But I suppose when you're inundated with them daily, you tend to be a tad curious.
There is zero privacy in my home. ZERO. Locks mean absolutely NOTHING on doors. In fact, a locked door is an invitation to beat the door down or find ANY object to shove in and unlock it. My mother used to say to me whenever I was losing it, "just go lock yourself in the bathroom." Yeah right! If I wanted peace, that's the last place I'd hide. After five kids, a dog, and cats, I have lost all the dignity I have ever held. Everything is a free for all at my house.
My oldest daughter is TRYING very hard to retain whatever she has left herself. She's 11 and at that stage where everything is private. Fine! I envy her attempt at some. I may even be bordering on jealous. I'm not sure how she did it. Did she beat her brothers and sisters into submission? or did her screaming at them alone scare them off? I'm not sure. Either way. It seems to be working for her. Sigh...
Let me put it this way. We are the house of naked. My friends have always said I'd take my clothes off anywhere, anytime. So it's no wonder my children are the same. I suppose there should be a point where it's considered inappropriate to be parading around with nothing on. I've learned to just accept it. Fighting it only creates more problems. For example, the second you start to take your clothes off, it never fails, someone comes around the corner. The second you sit down to go to the toilet, someone comes in. The second you get on the phone, someone has a thousand questions. It's never ending. It's like a signal goes off somewhere in the house and everyone comes running. I've even been in the shower and my son and his friend came waltzing in. Why? Why? Why?
So when my daughters got off the bus the other day and said my nine year old son was looking at BIG BOOBIES on his friend's Nook, I barely batted an eye. First of all, he's nine. If he weren't curious about boobs, I'd be concerned. Second, with a mom, a house full of sisters, and naked Barbies everywhere, it's hard not to see them. You'd think he'd be bored with them already. My boyfriend of course reminded me that boobs are NEVER boring. How did I handle it? Well first of all I laughed. Which of course embarrassed the hell out of him. Then I told him that I wasn't mad, that it was perfectly natural to be curious. Finally, the adult in me popped out and said, "where did he get the pictures?" Turns out they were in a magazine that his dad had subscribed to. UGH, figures! Damn bus! But what can you do? I get running magazines with all kinds of girls half dressed in spandex. I can't imagine it was Playboy, but who knows. I just reminded him that I wasn't mad, that it was OK, but that if he got caught on the bus looking at them he'd be in a lot of trouble. So knock it off! He smiled and walked away.
For as long as I live, I will never understand boys and their obsession with boobs. Then again, it's my daughters too! "OOOOO look! She had big boobies!" I suppose when you're six, all the boobies you see are BIG! Ah well, chalk it off to yet another of life's funny moments. Please, please don't let me forget this! I can't wait to remind ALL of them of these stories, in front of their own children! Isn't it funny how life always comes full circle?? MHHHHHHHH!!!
There is zero privacy in my home. ZERO. Locks mean absolutely NOTHING on doors. In fact, a locked door is an invitation to beat the door down or find ANY object to shove in and unlock it. My mother used to say to me whenever I was losing it, "just go lock yourself in the bathroom." Yeah right! If I wanted peace, that's the last place I'd hide. After five kids, a dog, and cats, I have lost all the dignity I have ever held. Everything is a free for all at my house.
My oldest daughter is TRYING very hard to retain whatever she has left herself. She's 11 and at that stage where everything is private. Fine! I envy her attempt at some. I may even be bordering on jealous. I'm not sure how she did it. Did she beat her brothers and sisters into submission? or did her screaming at them alone scare them off? I'm not sure. Either way. It seems to be working for her. Sigh...
Let me put it this way. We are the house of naked. My friends have always said I'd take my clothes off anywhere, anytime. So it's no wonder my children are the same. I suppose there should be a point where it's considered inappropriate to be parading around with nothing on. I've learned to just accept it. Fighting it only creates more problems. For example, the second you start to take your clothes off, it never fails, someone comes around the corner. The second you sit down to go to the toilet, someone comes in. The second you get on the phone, someone has a thousand questions. It's never ending. It's like a signal goes off somewhere in the house and everyone comes running. I've even been in the shower and my son and his friend came waltzing in. Why? Why? Why?
So when my daughters got off the bus the other day and said my nine year old son was looking at BIG BOOBIES on his friend's Nook, I barely batted an eye. First of all, he's nine. If he weren't curious about boobs, I'd be concerned. Second, with a mom, a house full of sisters, and naked Barbies everywhere, it's hard not to see them. You'd think he'd be bored with them already. My boyfriend of course reminded me that boobs are NEVER boring. How did I handle it? Well first of all I laughed. Which of course embarrassed the hell out of him. Then I told him that I wasn't mad, that it was perfectly natural to be curious. Finally, the adult in me popped out and said, "where did he get the pictures?" Turns out they were in a magazine that his dad had subscribed to. UGH, figures! Damn bus! But what can you do? I get running magazines with all kinds of girls half dressed in spandex. I can't imagine it was Playboy, but who knows. I just reminded him that I wasn't mad, that it was OK, but that if he got caught on the bus looking at them he'd be in a lot of trouble. So knock it off! He smiled and walked away.
For as long as I live, I will never understand boys and their obsession with boobs. Then again, it's my daughters too! "OOOOO look! She had big boobies!" I suppose when you're six, all the boobies you see are BIG! Ah well, chalk it off to yet another of life's funny moments. Please, please don't let me forget this! I can't wait to remind ALL of them of these stories, in front of their own children! Isn't it funny how life always comes full circle?? MHHHHHHHH!!!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Barbie and Ken
No words can can express my shock when I walked into my room, years ago, and found Barbie and Ken in a very compromising position. My immediate response was to find my camera. Mind you it was hard to take a picture through all the tears and laughter. I wanted to make sure I captured this moment to remind my children of the hell they put me through. Or maybe what I put THEM through! Surely they learned this somewhere...
For years I thought I was the only one subject to such a sight. That was until last night. Just after 11pm my cell phone chimed. What idiot wanted me at this hour you ask? None other than my girlfriend from Arizona. Because of the time change, I slipped her a small break. Curiosity had me, so I grabbed my phone to see what she wanted. I was met with a picture of Barbie and Ken partially clothed, laying down, with a cat between his legs and his hand on her boob. The message that followed said, "not sure where daughter learned this. Was clearly NOT from her mom and daddy!"
Naturally I was quick to respond with my own photo and a message stating, "not sure where they learned it either!" We both agreed that our "friends" the whores taught them! After a half hour of laughter and another glance at her photo, I was absolutely convinced that her daughter had indeed learn from her parents. Being the wonderful, honest friend that I am, I pointed out the obvious. The cat. Had it not been for the cat strategically placed between the legs of Ken, I would have never thought twice. I asked her where the dog and the fish were in the whole scheme of things? Or her husbands sleep apnea mask? Ah romance....WHERE????? Gone, gone, gone.
I listen to the morning shows when I sit down with my coffee to write. If I have to hear one more sex therapist say that couples should schedule dates, romance, or sex I may actually hurl my coffee mug at them. Why? Because unfortunately they're right. How sad is it that as adults we have to sneak around like crazy sex starved teenagers just to get a little action? If I give my boyfriend a kiss in front of my kids they fall apart with a HUGE "EW MOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!" Even a hug has them snickering. Sad, truly sad. That is until you twist it around! If there is one thing I can do, and do well, it's find some humor in the mundane.
Remember when you used to sneak around as a teenager? Making out in the bathroom at a party. Parking in the pouring rain on an old dirt road? Asking some random hot guy to go home with you? Oh wait! That was my "friend". The point is, it was fun! It was risky and it felt good! Why not sneak around with your hubby or boyfriend? My boyfriend and I do it all the time. And guess what? I haven't had this much fun since I was a teenager! Neither has he! Maybe those crazy therapist do know what they're talking about. Maybe they don't. But this time I'm listening! AND taking notes. I mean honestly, what's the worse that can happen??? Another Barbie and Ken show? Or getting caught in the act? Whatever! I'm not going to sweat it. Believe me, with five kids I have no doubt in my mind that at some point I'm going to go, "EW!!!!" and have a good snicker too! I said before that the world would be a whole hell of a lot happier if we all got out our old photos. Well guess what? The world would be a whole hell of a lot happier if we all stopped worrying about what everyone, including our kids, thought and just had some fun! Act stupid, be crazy, laugh, hug, and make out like crazy! Not only does it make you smile but it makes you feel good about yourself! More importantly, good old Barbie and Ken won't be the ONLY ones having the fun!
Friday, January 6, 2012
My How Times Have Changed...
Just when I think I've seen it all, I am met with yet another ridiculous sight. There are so many wrong things about this ad that I don't even know where to begin. Or maybe I just have a twisted sense of humor. Either way, if you can enlarge this picture and read the whole ad, it will be worth every bit of the effort.
There are few talents I hold. One of which seems to be spotting a really good piece of furniture. Gift or curse is still debatable. When my boyfriends parents decided to downsize their home to an apartment this past month, they decided a few things had to go. One item stood out that I absolutely fell in love with and asked for. It is a beautiful dresser I plan on re-finishing and giving to my boys. Though their worthiness of such a fine piece is still up in the air.
I brought the drawers home this past week. Each of the drawers was lined with old newspapers. I'm guessing this ad was from 1953 since some of the other pages showed that date. Let me get right to the point...WTF?! Who invented an apron that blows up? And who let that woman blow it and have her picture taken? Seriously?! Upon further reading I discovered that it WASN'T a man, but another "housewife". Are you kidding me?! If my neighbor came to me with this idea, I'd tell her she was crazier than she already is! "Gadgets get trickier all the time." Really?! First of all, is this really a gadget? And second, since when is laundry not "uncomfortably heavy" when you carry it? If this woman wanted to make a tricky gadget to make "washday" better, she should have thought to add a vibrator to the apron! I bet there wouldn't be a single woman out there complaining of doing laundry EVER again!
"Inflate the canvas apron until it stands out stiffly..." Come on! Maybe I just have a dirty mind, but this is too much! A woman may have invented this product, but a man definitely wrote the ad. In 1953 I'm pretty sure NO ONE saw the sexual undertones in this. Or maybe they did. Who knows! But I'd love to know how many of these sold. I wonder if Joyce Wojcik is still alive, if she still wears an apron to do her wash, and if she made a fortune off this idea. I might have to do a little investigating into this. I guess you never know right? I mean look at the paperclip! People laughed at that too! Now you can't ever find one when you need one. "Note the handy pocket for storing clothespins." Really?! How about note the handy pocket in my coat, my pants, my purse, and my sweater for holding ALL the crap my kids make me carry.
So much about this ad is wrong. If you want to get technical and nitpick, there's the fact that it's a woman doing the wash, a woman wearing an apron, a woman wearing a dress to hang laundry, and let's not forget the wording of the ad itself. All that aside, I choose to see the childish humor in it instead. If you can't do that, then you haven't hung out with your kids enough. I live in a house where I am reminded DAILY that a fart is ALWAYS funny! As an adult, so are sexual innuendos! If this ad didn't make you laugh today, the least it should do is make you smile... a little wicked one at that!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
What Was I Thinking...
When was the last time you had a gut wrenching laugh? Tears and pee included. It seems like those kind of laughs are few and far between. Sure we all have a little chuckle now and then. And maybe a good laugh. But the kind that leave you gasping for air, wiping your eyes, and changing your underwear don't seem to come as often as we need them. I can honestly say I've had two in the last week. I truly believe the laughter has lightened my mood. If not put a huge smile on my face randomly throughout the day.
The process is simple actually. Take out your photo album from the 80's! You can't count the 70's because most of the fashion trends have gone back to that simple, sleek look. Even the Afro has come back! However, go to the 80's, and even early 90's, and look how big your hair was and how awful your clothes were. The funny part, we THOUGHT we looked GOOD!!! I was so busy laughing the weeks before Christmas at the Glamour Shot pictures that Ellen was showing, that I never gave ANY thought to the embarrassing pictures I had in my own closet. That was until last night.
It started with my girlfriend sending me a picture of her new haircut. It all went downhill from there. After sharing a few old pictures, I will suffice to say that it ended with her son asking if I was a man and if she had an Afro like the guy from the band LMFAO. Why she told him it was us in the first place is beyond me. I told her she should have said, "that's my "friend" and the man whore she picked up!" To say "what was I thinking?" is a gross understatement!
Most people don't get better looking with age. I, on the other hand, feel that I have. Wink, wink! I gave my boyfriend such grief when he told me I used to be a "6" years ago and a "10" now, that I actually had to apologize to him today. I think he was being generous in both cases. But, good lord! I looked horrible! Who let me out of the house??? You know we all snicker at people we see, especially the Walmart folks, who step out with something ridiculous on. And why? Because they walked out thinking like the rest of us, "I look GOOD!"
I realize that we can't always look our best, and that even famous people have their off days. But come on! Even when I don't get a shower everyday, I don't look that bad. Well, I don't look like a man anymore! I may smell like one, but that's nothing perfume can't hide. Yes those pictures are embarrassing as all get out, but I'm not burning them. The laughs they produce are PRICELESS! Imagine how much happier the world would be if everyone got out their old photos?? I'm telling you, if you're having a rotten day, and need a good laugh, all it takes is a good look at yourself from the past. And that my friends is worth a change of underwear any day of the week!
The process is simple actually. Take out your photo album from the 80's! You can't count the 70's because most of the fashion trends have gone back to that simple, sleek look. Even the Afro has come back! However, go to the 80's, and even early 90's, and look how big your hair was and how awful your clothes were. The funny part, we THOUGHT we looked GOOD!!! I was so busy laughing the weeks before Christmas at the Glamour Shot pictures that Ellen was showing, that I never gave ANY thought to the embarrassing pictures I had in my own closet. That was until last night.
It started with my girlfriend sending me a picture of her new haircut. It all went downhill from there. After sharing a few old pictures, I will suffice to say that it ended with her son asking if I was a man and if she had an Afro like the guy from the band LMFAO. Why she told him it was us in the first place is beyond me. I told her she should have said, "that's my "friend" and the man whore she picked up!" To say "what was I thinking?" is a gross understatement!
Most people don't get better looking with age. I, on the other hand, feel that I have. Wink, wink! I gave my boyfriend such grief when he told me I used to be a "6" years ago and a "10" now, that I actually had to apologize to him today. I think he was being generous in both cases. But, good lord! I looked horrible! Who let me out of the house??? You know we all snicker at people we see, especially the Walmart folks, who step out with something ridiculous on. And why? Because they walked out thinking like the rest of us, "I look GOOD!"
I realize that we can't always look our best, and that even famous people have their off days. But come on! Even when I don't get a shower everyday, I don't look that bad. Well, I don't look like a man anymore! I may smell like one, but that's nothing perfume can't hide. Yes those pictures are embarrassing as all get out, but I'm not burning them. The laughs they produce are PRICELESS! Imagine how much happier the world would be if everyone got out their old photos?? I'm telling you, if you're having a rotten day, and need a good laugh, all it takes is a good look at yourself from the past. And that my friends is worth a change of underwear any day of the week!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
It's Over
Hallelujah!!!!! Woo Hoo....oh wait! No it isn't over! Damn! 23 birthdays in January to go. Obviously there were a lot of busy people in March. Well that certainly gives a new meaning to spring fever. UGH!!!
I have said before that I hate the holidays. I hate after the holidays even more. The bills pile in, the weight is still lingering, I have detox shakes, AND way too many birthdays to STILL celebrate. And it's not like I can just buy a quick card or send a Happy Birthday email. NOOOOOOO, that would be cheap and easy. Everyone is a family member or really good friend that needs something. It just NEVER seems to end.
This year, I made a few attainable New Years resolutions. Mind you I do this every year. But, this year the difference is the word "attainable". I signed up for two races. One in May and one in September. Those will help with the lingering weight issue. The detox shakes may also subside with the help of the training. Though the jury is still out on that. After all, I do have five kids with homework. It's the bills I'm more concerned about. I decided that I truly do need to cut back. I really don't need my toes and nails done. I like it, but don't need it. I really don't need that $7 Meijer t-shirt. I want it, but don't need it. And, my kids don't need seven gifts, or whatever the hell I buy, EACH for their birthdays. Christmas was just here for crying out loud!
I think it's just going to boil down to little changes. Little changes that effect the big picture. A new year always brings hope for big changes. But the reality is we all start off with grandiose plans and then get upset because at some point we fall short. Being a goal setter by trait, I'm pretty good about following through. But like everyone, some times I need a little extra motivation. That light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it in the distance, and feel like I'm getting closer, I just need to figure out a way to pull all of it together and make it shine brighter.
Little changes, one by one, all add up in the end. I will not let negative people tell me I can't do something. I will not be upset that I can't have something I long for. I will not buy my kids useless trinkets just to ward off a tantrum. I will not take the easy road when I'm exhausted. And I will not take for granted all the wonderful things that are right in front of me. Yes, I will still yell at my kids to get their stuff on and get in the car. Yes, I will still be upset when they hate my cooking. Yes, I will still go crazy when they make a mess and refuse to clean it up. And, yes I will absolutely love them for reminding me that they are their own unique person that keeps me on my toes day and night. I wouldn't trade a single argument in the world. Let's face it, that's why a mom invented alcohol!
Bring on the new year! I don't know how good it will be. But, I will take it in stride, make my little changes, reach my attainable goals, and be thankful for all that I have. My girlfriend keeps reminding me that every day is a gift. Now, if I could just figure out how to wrap it with a big bow, I'd save myself a lot of time and money! Hey! is that the easy road since I'm completely exhausted??? I better eat something and have a drink to think about that!
I have said before that I hate the holidays. I hate after the holidays even more. The bills pile in, the weight is still lingering, I have detox shakes, AND way too many birthdays to STILL celebrate. And it's not like I can just buy a quick card or send a Happy Birthday email. NOOOOOOO, that would be cheap and easy. Everyone is a family member or really good friend that needs something. It just NEVER seems to end.
This year, I made a few attainable New Years resolutions. Mind you I do this every year. But, this year the difference is the word "attainable". I signed up for two races. One in May and one in September. Those will help with the lingering weight issue. The detox shakes may also subside with the help of the training. Though the jury is still out on that. After all, I do have five kids with homework. It's the bills I'm more concerned about. I decided that I truly do need to cut back. I really don't need my toes and nails done. I like it, but don't need it. I really don't need that $7 Meijer t-shirt. I want it, but don't need it. And, my kids don't need seven gifts, or whatever the hell I buy, EACH for their birthdays. Christmas was just here for crying out loud!
I think it's just going to boil down to little changes. Little changes that effect the big picture. A new year always brings hope for big changes. But the reality is we all start off with grandiose plans and then get upset because at some point we fall short. Being a goal setter by trait, I'm pretty good about following through. But like everyone, some times I need a little extra motivation. That light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it in the distance, and feel like I'm getting closer, I just need to figure out a way to pull all of it together and make it shine brighter.
Little changes, one by one, all add up in the end. I will not let negative people tell me I can't do something. I will not be upset that I can't have something I long for. I will not buy my kids useless trinkets just to ward off a tantrum. I will not take the easy road when I'm exhausted. And I will not take for granted all the wonderful things that are right in front of me. Yes, I will still yell at my kids to get their stuff on and get in the car. Yes, I will still be upset when they hate my cooking. Yes, I will still go crazy when they make a mess and refuse to clean it up. And, yes I will absolutely love them for reminding me that they are their own unique person that keeps me on my toes day and night. I wouldn't trade a single argument in the world. Let's face it, that's why a mom invented alcohol!
Bring on the new year! I don't know how good it will be. But, I will take it in stride, make my little changes, reach my attainable goals, and be thankful for all that I have. My girlfriend keeps reminding me that every day is a gift. Now, if I could just figure out how to wrap it with a big bow, I'd save myself a lot of time and money! Hey! is that the easy road since I'm completely exhausted??? I better eat something and have a drink to think about that!
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